hahaha
i take it back. well, I can't really take it back, because the past is what is back! to put something back that has already been left behind is rather redundant. What a fun play on words and cliche and common usage, I could run with this for paragraphs.
as i read my last post i can get a good Laugh. what a drama queen (king, probably) i am. but, if you are reading this, then you know who your author is, so this doesn't surprise you. i don't surprise myself either, but it's a good way to Laugh at being so caught up in the seriousness of "me." and we all know this is an inflammation of the ego in its attempt to keep control. fortunately i have reminders that this isn't so serious at all.
with that aside, the garden is planted, the compost pile has Grown immensely and i have a new duty to make sure it breaks down well. there is incentive and passion too.
my apartment is like new, with some additions and gifts from teachers and folks who left (yes, you, murray!). i feel comfortable here, almost too much so.
i went rafting yesterday, just like last year... there was a lot of water this year so we had some actual rapids. i understood a lot more japanese and that was nice. we went to a new Onsen and had pretty good ramen too. we had TO drive about 2 hrs south (close to kagoshima actually!) to get to the kuma (Bear) river... we were in A city called hitoyoshi... and it is another statistic to add to the places i've visited... great.
speakiNG of vacations and time off... the structure is official. i just have to fill in the spaces that i have created. it is exciting and fun to dream... but those vague thoughts will soon take form. sweet.
on a side note, school starts tomorrow... i am ready and excited to get there. i saw two students today and we shared a good laugh and a hello as we were riding biKes to attend to Our various tasks on the bypass. i told them i would see them tomorrow, and i will!
i cant believe how suzushii (cool) the summer has been... i was expecting to come bacK to the raging heat of hell and it hasn't been all that bad. no a/c... i have survived another summer. lucky, indeed.
the present is hidden in this message. ha, INDEed.
welCome to septEMBER.
2008-08-23
writing what i should(n't)
It's August... the end of lazy wonderful summer afternoons in California, time for new enrollment in school and also time to send in applications for various "next" steps.
My window is closing this year. My graduate school exam is still valid, but my letters of recommendation from UCLA are probably pretty outdated. As far as the practicality of the (fake) "real" life to which i have been accustomed, this is a big problem. What will I tell employers about this time "off"? What "experience" can I write down on the all (not) important resume?
There are the heavy ideas of commitment to family, to society, to self. What is the point of going through with all of this anyways? Does it matter what I think or should I be aiming to find the middle intersecting space of the this intense "Life" Venn Diagram?
Maybe in writing this I am committing to the "next step(s)" after all.
Robert Johnson (1936) via my Derek and the Dominos version sheds a bit of light on the situation:
"I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Asked the Lord above for mercy, 'Save me if you please.'
I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
Down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
Nobody seemed to know me, everybody passed me by."
During times of change and opportunity, one can ask God, he can ask his friends, he can ask strangers... and none of that advice really matters.
In direct opposition to what I've told myself, "Dave, make a decision," I reply, "Decision, please make a dave."
My window is closing this year. My graduate school exam is still valid, but my letters of recommendation from UCLA are probably pretty outdated. As far as the practicality of the (fake) "real" life to which i have been accustomed, this is a big problem. What will I tell employers about this time "off"? What "experience" can I write down on the all (not) important resume?
There are the heavy ideas of commitment to family, to society, to self. What is the point of going through with all of this anyways? Does it matter what I think or should I be aiming to find the middle intersecting space of the this intense "Life" Venn Diagram?
Maybe in writing this I am committing to the "next step(s)" after all.
Robert Johnson (1936) via my Derek and the Dominos version sheds a bit of light on the situation:
"I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Asked the Lord above for mercy, 'Save me if you please.'
I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
Down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
Nobody seemed to know me, everybody passed me by."
During times of change and opportunity, one can ask God, he can ask his friends, he can ask strangers... and none of that advice really matters.
In direct opposition to what I've told myself, "Dave, make a decision," I reply, "Decision, please make a dave."
2008-08-21
Elation
I will try to put it into words, but there is no way to describe to you the sense of bliss existing right now. Perhaps this is an "crest" of the wave, but it is being ridden as if it were a "trough" or a "middle-frequency" or anything. It just seems... well... right. For lack of a better word. The mosquito bites don't even faze me because they are a part of it all.
The first day back was hot. A reminder that it is August in western Japan. And then... it all cooled down. The vibe around the office is mellow and enjoyable. The vibe around the jutaku is nice too, with the neighbors leaning on and supporting one another to get ready for a strong year. The vibe around the city is that summer is going to end sooner than later, though I expect an intense heat to come sometime soon and last for a little while. The vibe in my life is that things are in place.
Vacations are getting planned efficiently and with the maximization of available time; the weekly routine is taking the form of the wonderful one that sustained me last year; the garden adventure is beginning and taking form- with measurements, a budget and crops to plant- we begin the labor this weekend (to add to the three small rows of basil and soybeans that were planted in July!); it's like the whole structure is nearly complete and then it will be autopilot for a year. The variables being the foods eaten during the week, the weather, the school stuff (which schools I will visit, the kids and the classes), and absorbing the inevitable in whatever form it takes.
It upsets me that I won't have room for flexibility in my structure. It freaks me out a bit too that I can already see how each day and week may look similar. It's weird to know basically when and where my vacations for the next year will be spent.
But I made it. It has all taken the form that matches the ideal. I can do all of the activities that I enjoy. And I can enjoy the ups and downs associated with each activity.
Granted there is no way to predict the future... it would be silly to think that any of my plans can control what will actually occur. But the planning phase is now in the past and I can't change the past because it has passed. The future of the logistics has, conversely, been taken out of the equation also. It's a bizarre feeling to say it, but I have backed myself right into the present and I will have to be awake and alive in each living moment, in the absolute now, to make any relevant sense of any of this. Any of it. "IT!" (courtesy of Mr. Alan Watts).
I can finally work on practicing what I preach on every annoying email that I send. I'm going with it:
"Be where you are when you are there."
I am here now, so I had better be here. Not that there is a choice anyways!
The first day back was hot. A reminder that it is August in western Japan. And then... it all cooled down. The vibe around the office is mellow and enjoyable. The vibe around the jutaku is nice too, with the neighbors leaning on and supporting one another to get ready for a strong year. The vibe around the city is that summer is going to end sooner than later, though I expect an intense heat to come sometime soon and last for a little while. The vibe in my life is that things are in place.
Vacations are getting planned efficiently and with the maximization of available time; the weekly routine is taking the form of the wonderful one that sustained me last year; the garden adventure is beginning and taking form- with measurements, a budget and crops to plant- we begin the labor this weekend (to add to the three small rows of basil and soybeans that were planted in July!); it's like the whole structure is nearly complete and then it will be autopilot for a year. The variables being the foods eaten during the week, the weather, the school stuff (which schools I will visit, the kids and the classes), and absorbing the inevitable in whatever form it takes.
It upsets me that I won't have room for flexibility in my structure. It freaks me out a bit too that I can already see how each day and week may look similar. It's weird to know basically when and where my vacations for the next year will be spent.
But I made it. It has all taken the form that matches the ideal. I can do all of the activities that I enjoy. And I can enjoy the ups and downs associated with each activity.
Granted there is no way to predict the future... it would be silly to think that any of my plans can control what will actually occur. But the planning phase is now in the past and I can't change the past because it has passed. The future of the logistics has, conversely, been taken out of the equation also. It's a bizarre feeling to say it, but I have backed myself right into the present and I will have to be awake and alive in each living moment, in the absolute now, to make any relevant sense of any of this. Any of it. "IT!" (courtesy of Mr. Alan Watts).
I can finally work on practicing what I preach on every annoying email that I send. I'm going with it:
"Be where you are when you are there."
I am here now, so I had better be here. Not that there is a choice anyways!
2008-08-18
"All the leaves are brown and the sky is grey..."
I haven’t written in three weeks because I went to California. It seems like a dream.
I maximized the time with my family. I saw so many friends. It was fabulous. I didn’t eat nearly enough Mexican food though. However, I did get in the bagels and matzo balls. I missed nearly all of the things I wanted to buy. But I did get the necessary basketball shoes and soccer cleats. My trip reflected the ups and downs of any vacation, like everyday in Japan, like any day in one’s life. I averaged 5 hours of sleep… still not enough awake time. I tried to spend as much time on the beach as possible. I managed a small trip to the Sierra which was lovely. There are so many things I want to write but I think these facts will suffice.
Year two begins… today was the first day of work. I like the vibes I feel. I like the situation that I see. I have another two weeks until classes and the madness gets thrown into overdrive. It’s really humid. I am really relaxed and happy to be back.
At times the vacation seemed more like work. But I made it happen that way. Otherwise it wouldn’t have been my kind of vacation. I had to try to kill myself for it to be worth it. If it was boring or I slept more then it would have been a waste of time. I wish I had another couple of days, but Fate brought me back… (Though I was tempted to relinquish my seat on the oversold flight for a day-long delay and an $800 travel voucher…)
My neighbors welcomed me home with signs, a prank and food. Perfect, say I. There is some cleaning that must be done, some errands to get to and some humidity to survive. Life is too short not to go at it full throttle.
Whenever I come back from being abroad, I have “enlightening” thoughts or feelings of my cultural analysis of America. This time the thoughts took different forms from the other times I have returned. To share: (1) lack of courtesy was rather prominent. (2) Idea of work- my asking people to do their jobs instead of their doing them. (3) The idea that one can maximize the “benefit” by doing as little as possible to gain as much possible; it’s not that one gains anything, but in proportion to the amount of work he or she does, the gain seems relevant. Economically correct, actually wrong. (4) Energy flow… healthy lifestyles breeds energetic and worthwhile living. On the contrary, unhealthy input produces directly detrimental lives.
Writing just to write. Blogging just to blog. Living just to live. No attachments. Just going with IT.
A wonderful recharger in California. I really miss that place… those special places… those special beings.
I maximized the time with my family. I saw so many friends. It was fabulous. I didn’t eat nearly enough Mexican food though. However, I did get in the bagels and matzo balls. I missed nearly all of the things I wanted to buy. But I did get the necessary basketball shoes and soccer cleats. My trip reflected the ups and downs of any vacation, like everyday in Japan, like any day in one’s life. I averaged 5 hours of sleep… still not enough awake time. I tried to spend as much time on the beach as possible. I managed a small trip to the Sierra which was lovely. There are so many things I want to write but I think these facts will suffice.
Year two begins… today was the first day of work. I like the vibes I feel. I like the situation that I see. I have another two weeks until classes and the madness gets thrown into overdrive. It’s really humid. I am really relaxed and happy to be back.
At times the vacation seemed more like work. But I made it happen that way. Otherwise it wouldn’t have been my kind of vacation. I had to try to kill myself for it to be worth it. If it was boring or I slept more then it would have been a waste of time. I wish I had another couple of days, but Fate brought me back… (Though I was tempted to relinquish my seat on the oversold flight for a day-long delay and an $800 travel voucher…)
My neighbors welcomed me home with signs, a prank and food. Perfect, say I. There is some cleaning that must be done, some errands to get to and some humidity to survive. Life is too short not to go at it full throttle.
Whenever I come back from being abroad, I have “enlightening” thoughts or feelings of my cultural analysis of America. This time the thoughts took different forms from the other times I have returned. To share: (1) lack of courtesy was rather prominent. (2) Idea of work- my asking people to do their jobs instead of their doing them. (3) The idea that one can maximize the “benefit” by doing as little as possible to gain as much possible; it’s not that one gains anything, but in proportion to the amount of work he or she does, the gain seems relevant. Economically correct, actually wrong. (4) Energy flow… healthy lifestyles breeds energetic and worthwhile living. On the contrary, unhealthy input produces directly detrimental lives.
Writing just to write. Blogging just to blog. Living just to live. No attachments. Just going with IT.
A wonderful recharger in California. I really miss that place… those special places… those special beings.
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