My Guru told me to expect no outcomes. He also reminded me to be myself.
What he failed to share with me and what I didnt have time to ask him concerns the past, concerns relationships, concerns a life that I knew.
Each moment is a timestamp. It imprints itself on my life passport and I travel through the next set of gates to the succeeding location. The border police don't give me any trouble... because there are no border police. As each moment flows into the next, almost continuously, my passport is stamped and I have wide eyes to explore the next moment. That is, except for when I narrow my vision or hold on to a previous sight... then the apparitions appear and confiscate my passport and inspect it, keeping me at the previously non-existant "moment" checkpoint. I have to negotiate to get it back and that can take seconds or weeks.
As days pass in Japan, I lose my ability to communicate in English effectively. I use the Japanese, indirect approach and lose the powerful straightforwardness that I have harnessed in English. It makes me present my thoughts in a different light, and it makes it impossible for true English speakers to understand what the fuck I am talking about. I can't blame them. I can only blame myself. But I can't even blame myself because I don't know/think/feel there is anything wrong.
Why am I still typing? What am I actually typing? I lost the point of this blog in my usual scatter-brained madness. Wow. I dream for the day when I can actually put together congruent thoughts without being interrupted by my self. Or whoever that is. Or whatever that is. Who are you?
2008-01-31
2008-01-28
Logged two more days
Another resort, two more days on the hill. A couple of HUGE jumps and the first box of the season! Gokase ski hill in Miyazaki-ken. One run... sometimes there are two, but there isn't snow on the second one. There are three chairlifts, but one is from the parking lot to the ski area... so there are two. Managed to not get killed despite my (and others') weaving through so many people. And it got a bit repetitive, needless to say. But, with the Kurume Champion ski club, it was good practice. And three club members finished in the top 14 of a 60-person competition, we even took first place! Well done, team!
We we further south, but higher up. This is a view to the north... I think that is Aso-san.
It felt like Big Bear but WAY smaller. It was damn cold on day one, also. We hit the road at 5am and the slopes at 8:00am that day... it was rough.
We we further south, but higher up. This is a view to the north... I think that is Aso-san.
It felt like Big Bear but WAY smaller. It was damn cold on day one, also. We hit the road at 5am and the slopes at 8:00am that day... it was rough.
That is Taka-dake, the peak I climbed with Eric back in November. The shorter, jagged one to the right is called Neko-dake... that's for next spring!
Six members of Kurume Champion. We will be heading to Dai-sen in a couple of weeks. See you there?
I think this sticker meant to say, "hard" instead of 'hand.' The grammar might be off, but the message is clear to me. Snowboarding to bring peace to the earth... I wish I had met the owner of the board!
Despite being super cold, the sun came out on day two and I lost the jacket to enjoy the spring skiing conditions, in the middle of January! Then I got back to my ice-box (apartment) and remembered it was winter...
I have updated my blog a lot, recently. I hadn't thought about it, but I guess I have had a lot to say. There may be more... Until then, I will say that mountains in Japan are gorges.
Soon...
2008-01-24
More than one sitting, ganbatte!
Besides the fact that Jesus Christ/God/Mohamed [some other story-told important person here] (must have) said it, "Man's idleness is evil." Maybe not evil, but thinking and putzing around leads one to thinking and running in a beautifully constructed hamster wheel. This is "drama" and I have been referring to it in various emails. There is more to it, but the world that one creates about the "important" things in one's life is that hamster wheel of drama- an endless cycle that can be continued infinitely if hamsters take over for others when they die.
Life is what one does when he (yes, you can say "she" too, it doesn't really matter, but "one" gets rather old sometimes) isn't thinking or running on the hamster wheel. (Part of the drama-world is that) 'he' and 'she,' are considered different. But they are the same thing, and the "politically incorrectness" regarding "proper" usage can go fuck itself. Damn, I was doing so well there, and now I burst and let some of that anger take over.... back to "being."
I have lost me/you/[insert proper pronoun here].... so, let me pick up with the beginning of last paragraph.
Life happens when one isn't thinking, running on the hamster wheel or playing the "human" in human drama. I live and have been living for longer and longer stretches of time. But every so often my drama-seeking ego wants some attention and makes itself heard. I have been ignoring it, but I should recognize its concern/ wanting to express itself. And then, I can let it have a say and then go on with living, or the "being" part of human being.
I have been exploring drama vs. living for the past little while and its most interesting (omoshiroi desu, ne?) I think it happens to me in Japan, but not everyday. I manage to poodle along as a human being, smiling so much that it hurts my face because my students are nuts and my fellow teachers are just good people. And together we go through the motions, learn a little and teach a little about language, sports, personal interactions and other subjects... and we all suffer together in the Japanese classrooms, whose temperatures rival Siberian winter conditions. And, perhaps in this basic survival of the bitter cold, we learn to coexist (despite the occasional flare-ups and fights that I have been seeing more. And the flip-side, the two students who I caught during a "rendezvous" after school. The boy was shaking his head no, but I saw him blushing from down the street. Gotta love hormones in junior high!)
And back to drama, I manage to go along and live life to the extent that's possible. and then the "vacation time" thing happens. My favorite thing. I like to travel, it's true. But I am having a hard time pinpointing WHEN I can travel. My schedule is not helpful and unfortunately my JET situation is a bit stricter than others. While some folks take off when the wind picks up their sails, I have to do some super advanced-planning. It's new to me, but I am OK with it... it's just that I can't do it if my schedule hasn't been made... and the plane tickets disappear because my peers are buying them up....
PHEeeeeeww.... release. that was the drama. Regarding vacation, of all things. I rock and roll everyday on less and less sleep, in colder and colder conditions teaching with everything (energy-wise) that I have, studying Japanese, cooking/eating bomb organic food and anything else. But I swear my new grey hairs have been coming from vacations- the time when one is supposed to continue peacefulness. So silly. I have been a silly, silly goose. I have to let the drama of vacations play themselves out. And just continue living peacefully and worry about the location later...
This stems from my thinking about the past. I just turned in my form, the one regarding re-contracting. And I circled the one that says, "Yes, I want to do this again, baby!" I will be here for another year (through August 2009).
And because of this, I started thinking and running on my hamster wheel of logistics, days off, past happenings and future expectations... forgetting what I had been doing (being) for the past five (six, next week!) months.
And now I am back to the moment...
And I want to share a bit of yesterday and today. Last night was my fourth night of playing with some local ballers. Crazy thing is that I am not as fast as the dudes I play with... I am not bigger, but I am a bit above average... the catch is that I play defensive like a proud Bruin's 6th-man. I don't think these guys have felt anyone challenge their shots like I do. So, I play the 5... and let me tell you... it is really hard. Rebounds, shot blocking, posting up, vying for position EVERY time down the court (and at a fast Japanese pace) is really hard. And folks expect Shaq to make every free throw after all of that? And moving 300 lbs? No amount of money can buy that... not even multi-million dollar salaries, that is rough stuff.
And today, on my way to school there was traffic on a small road... and i noticed that a car was stopped on the side... and the windshield was shattered and there was a small crowd around the front of the car... I didn't know the name of the student who got hit until another teacher told me, but I definitely taught him two days ago. And he had a bit of blood near his ear and he was on the ground... and he was pale... very pale. I know it was the coldest day of the year (yes, snow formed today), but he has no business being that white. The medics were on the way, I knew that... but i took off my jacket and put it on him. Then I started to walk away slowly because an extra person is just unnecessary. The ambulance showed up while I was walking away and they took control, as expected. I learned that in my wilderness first responder class. Package them up and let the real doctors/paramedics take them, especially in city conditions. I made sure he was warm and then stepped aside. I also learned that in accidents with possible head/neck trauma that you put a C-collar on the patient's neck and backboard them without letting them move. YOU DON'T FUCKING LET THEM JUMP UP AND CLIMB ONTO THE STRETCHER BY THEMSELVES- NO MATTER HOW GOOD HE OR SHE MIGHT FEEL. I couldn't believe it (especially while looking at the destroyed windshield that my student had collided with.) After being shocked for a minute, someone handed me my jacket and I walked my bike to school.
It has been a weird day of great lessons, that accident, meeting with my supervisor at the office cross-town, eating at my favorite (and only, occasional) lunch spot, riding my bike in the coldest weather I have ever experienced in the front-country. Intense, very real and very present. So, I guess now I can laugh about the fact that I got so caught up in unnecessary drama. And get on with turning in the Japanese test that's due yesterday and packing for a weekend snowboarding trip to a mountain even further south (with probably minuscule snow). I want to see what it's like... probably less snow that Summit (Big Bear) in late October... but whatever... you only live once (even with reincarnation, only one at a time, ne)!
And with that life, I am choosing to live... and laugh at the hamster wheel instead of running in it! Or at least laugh at myself for spinning it in circles so quickly.
Oops, this turned out be a lot longer than expected. I guess I should let it out more often. My bad, like those silly layups that I botched last night! I should let those go too, I already missed them!
Life is what one does when he (yes, you can say "she" too, it doesn't really matter, but "one" gets rather old sometimes) isn't thinking or running on the hamster wheel. (Part of the drama-world is that) 'he' and 'she,' are considered different. But they are the same thing, and the "politically incorrectness" regarding "proper" usage can go fuck itself. Damn, I was doing so well there, and now I burst and let some of that anger take over.... back to "being."
I have lost me/you/[insert proper pronoun here].... so, let me pick up with the beginning of last paragraph.
Life happens when one isn't thinking, running on the hamster wheel or playing the "human" in human drama. I live and have been living for longer and longer stretches of time. But every so often my drama-seeking ego wants some attention and makes itself heard. I have been ignoring it, but I should recognize its concern/ wanting to express itself. And then, I can let it have a say and then go on with living, or the "being" part of human being.
I have been exploring drama vs. living for the past little while and its most interesting (omoshiroi desu, ne?) I think it happens to me in Japan, but not everyday. I manage to poodle along as a human being, smiling so much that it hurts my face because my students are nuts and my fellow teachers are just good people. And together we go through the motions, learn a little and teach a little about language, sports, personal interactions and other subjects... and we all suffer together in the Japanese classrooms, whose temperatures rival Siberian winter conditions. And, perhaps in this basic survival of the bitter cold, we learn to coexist (despite the occasional flare-ups and fights that I have been seeing more. And the flip-side, the two students who I caught during a "rendezvous" after school. The boy was shaking his head no, but I saw him blushing from down the street. Gotta love hormones in junior high!)
And back to drama, I manage to go along and live life to the extent that's possible. and then the "vacation time" thing happens. My favorite thing. I like to travel, it's true. But I am having a hard time pinpointing WHEN I can travel. My schedule is not helpful and unfortunately my JET situation is a bit stricter than others. While some folks take off when the wind picks up their sails, I have to do some super advanced-planning. It's new to me, but I am OK with it... it's just that I can't do it if my schedule hasn't been made... and the plane tickets disappear because my peers are buying them up....
PHEeeeeeww.... release. that was the drama. Regarding vacation, of all things. I rock and roll everyday on less and less sleep, in colder and colder conditions teaching with everything (energy-wise) that I have, studying Japanese, cooking/eating bomb organic food and anything else. But I swear my new grey hairs have been coming from vacations- the time when one is supposed to continue peacefulness. So silly. I have been a silly, silly goose. I have to let the drama of vacations play themselves out. And just continue living peacefully and worry about the location later...
This stems from my thinking about the past. I just turned in my form, the one regarding re-contracting. And I circled the one that says, "Yes, I want to do this again, baby!" I will be here for another year (through August 2009).
And because of this, I started thinking and running on my hamster wheel of logistics, days off, past happenings and future expectations... forgetting what I had been doing (being) for the past five (six, next week!) months.
And now I am back to the moment...
And I want to share a bit of yesterday and today. Last night was my fourth night of playing with some local ballers. Crazy thing is that I am not as fast as the dudes I play with... I am not bigger, but I am a bit above average... the catch is that I play defensive like a proud Bruin's 6th-man. I don't think these guys have felt anyone challenge their shots like I do. So, I play the 5... and let me tell you... it is really hard. Rebounds, shot blocking, posting up, vying for position EVERY time down the court (and at a fast Japanese pace) is really hard. And folks expect Shaq to make every free throw after all of that? And moving 300 lbs? No amount of money can buy that... not even multi-million dollar salaries, that is rough stuff.
And today, on my way to school there was traffic on a small road... and i noticed that a car was stopped on the side... and the windshield was shattered and there was a small crowd around the front of the car... I didn't know the name of the student who got hit until another teacher told me, but I definitely taught him two days ago. And he had a bit of blood near his ear and he was on the ground... and he was pale... very pale. I know it was the coldest day of the year (yes, snow formed today), but he has no business being that white. The medics were on the way, I knew that... but i took off my jacket and put it on him. Then I started to walk away slowly because an extra person is just unnecessary. The ambulance showed up while I was walking away and they took control, as expected. I learned that in my wilderness first responder class. Package them up and let the real doctors/paramedics take them, especially in city conditions. I made sure he was warm and then stepped aside. I also learned that in accidents with possible head/neck trauma that you put a C-collar on the patient's neck and backboard them without letting them move. YOU DON'T FUCKING LET THEM JUMP UP AND CLIMB ONTO THE STRETCHER BY THEMSELVES- NO MATTER HOW GOOD HE OR SHE MIGHT FEEL. I couldn't believe it (especially while looking at the destroyed windshield that my student had collided with.) After being shocked for a minute, someone handed me my jacket and I walked my bike to school.
It has been a weird day of great lessons, that accident, meeting with my supervisor at the office cross-town, eating at my favorite (and only, occasional) lunch spot, riding my bike in the coldest weather I have ever experienced in the front-country. Intense, very real and very present. So, I guess now I can laugh about the fact that I got so caught up in unnecessary drama. And get on with turning in the Japanese test that's due yesterday and packing for a weekend snowboarding trip to a mountain even further south (with probably minuscule snow). I want to see what it's like... probably less snow that Summit (Big Bear) in late October... but whatever... you only live once (even with reincarnation, only one at a time, ne)!
And with that life, I am choosing to live... and laugh at the hamster wheel instead of running in it! Or at least laugh at myself for spinning it in circles so quickly.
Oops, this turned out be a lot longer than expected. I guess I should let it out more often. My bad, like those silly layups that I botched last night! I should let those go too, I already missed them!
2008-01-22
more fun stuff
The day after getting back from Hokkaido, there was a huge festival in the city/community to the south. In fact, Daizenji (not to be confused with Zendoji- I always do this) is one of the three biggest in all of Japan. Yeah for superlatives. The festival is celebrated mid-winter to get a heads-up on the upcoming growing season. Gary, Wendy and I got there right before the main event, dudes carrying huge torches around the shrine's grounds. Men, nearly naked, playing with fire- sounds like my cup of tea...
(What you don't see are the brave/insane guys who climbed/straddled the torches until they got within feet of the flame, in an effort to cut/release ropes that bound the end.)
I haven't gotten the pictures yet... but last weekend was a hike through the snow to Raizan and Iharayama. We (four in total) were granted great weather for a day and had a lovely four hour hike, bushwhacking at the beginning. Bagged two more peaks, bringing the total up to.... uh... I don't remember. But I have seen a bunch of mountain peaks in this part of Kyushu. Soon, I will have to spend more time in transit to get to further peaks. Yeah...
Soon...
2008-01-16
So proud of my friends
I am so happy that each person I have met throughout my life is alive. Each is such a unique thing and the true definition of a human "being". Some fall into the habits of humans doing, but they also have brilliant moments of humans being.
This occurs to them when thinking about "life," drama-related "real" issues and other truly trivial thin(g/k)s evaporate and leave them in a state of free-being. Floating and "detached" but well-aware... and there.
Wow I lost myself in that. Haha. That's funny to re-read. I'll leave it so I can laugh later.
There you are... you know who you are. I am talking to you. You know you. And despite the urge to stay put, you go with the "feeling" of freedom and peace. You go with your innate passion and understandings. You go explore. you go... and you are leaving soon!
I had to blog this because I am listening to Xavier Rudd's album entitled, Food in the Belly. In his song, "Messages," is the message and energy that I want to share with you.
"... look to your soul for these things that you know... you know, some people just won't understand, they just won't understand these things...
"So hold nice and close, won't you, get to your soul so that when it's cold you won't feel so alone, cause the roles that you take, may just crack and break with the changes you will confront...
"With each gift that you share you may heal and repair; with each choice you make you may help someone's day; but, I know you are strong, may your journey be long and now I wish you the best of luck!
"I know you are strong, may your journey be long and now I wish you the best, of luck!"
This occurs to them when thinking about "life," drama-related "real" issues and other truly trivial thin(g/k)s evaporate and leave them in a state of free-being. Floating and "detached" but well-aware... and there.
Wow I lost myself in that. Haha. That's funny to re-read. I'll leave it so I can laugh later.
There you are... you know who you are. I am talking to you. You know you. And despite the urge to stay put, you go with the "feeling" of freedom and peace. You go with your innate passion and understandings. You go explore. you go... and you are leaving soon!
I had to blog this because I am listening to Xavier Rudd's album entitled, Food in the Belly. In his song, "Messages," is the message and energy that I want to share with you.
"... look to your soul for these things that you know... you know, some people just won't understand, they just won't understand these things...
"So hold nice and close, won't you, get to your soul so that when it's cold you won't feel so alone, cause the roles that you take, may just crack and break with the changes you will confront...
"With each gift that you share you may heal and repair; with each choice you make you may help someone's day; but, I know you are strong, may your journey be long and now I wish you the best of luck!
"I know you are strong, may your journey be long and now I wish you the best, of luck!"
2008-01-08
Bestworst? vacation ever- Hokkaidou pictures (part 2, in essence)
BEGIN, part 2...
(Me, bearded, hooded, at Furano resort)
(Denis, Tatsu-san and our guide, Nobi-san hiking up the ridge near Tokachidake volcano, in Daisetsuzan National Park)
(view from the top of Kamui Ski Links resort as the storm clears- fresh pow that day)
(Ashitsubo-no-yu: footbath of longevity and health-Jozankei area, outside of Sapporo)
(Me in that very footbath, clean-shaved after a month)
(Bridge at Jozankei Hot Spring area)
(Ringing the bell at Chuo-ji [Temple] in Sapporo [city] for joya-no kane [New Year's celebration] to wash away all of our sins)
(train ride from Sapporo to Niseko)
(I hiked to the top of Mt. Annupuri, south peak during a wild windy morning. I don’t know this guy, but we were stoked to be up there! Made this hike twice and to the main peak twice. In doing so I was able to make fresh tracks in four distinct faces/bowls)
(Yotei-san, volcano, from Niseko Grand Hirafu resort)
(Yotei-san from the southeast, Mt. Annupuri is to its left)
(Lake Toya [Toya-ko] home of the July G8 summit, beyond that is the Pacific Ocean; taken from Rusutsu's Isola-san)
(The steaming vent on the left side is a newly forming volcano called Showa Shin-zan, taken from Rusutsu's East Mountain)
(Yotei-san and Rusutsu resort’s west Mtn)
(me in the trees, and the fresh powder that awaits me… it was knee-deep. Yes, it was!)
You can safely guess the English song that I was teaching students before the break... Bing Crosby... "Let It Snow"
Bestworst? vacation ever- words and Yamagata Zao pix (part 1)
It averaged below zero. Many times I looked at the thermometer and it read minus ten, often lower. When there was wind it was even colder. It was far away. There were many hours on buses and trains and planes. Nearly every night I slept on the floor; not much padding between me and the floor.
Miserable, right?
Now: same facts, different viewpoint.
It averaged below zero. Many times I looked at the thermometer and it read minus ten, often lower. When there was wind it was even colder. It was far away. There were many hours on buses and trains and planes. Nearly every night I slept on the floor; not much padding between me and the floor.
Fantastic, right?
Depends on your viewpoint.
Miserable, right?
Now: same facts, different viewpoint.
It averaged below zero. Many times I looked at the thermometer and it read minus ten, often lower. When there was wind it was even colder. It was far away. There were many hours on buses and trains and planes. Nearly every night I slept on the floor; not much padding between me and the floor.
Fantastic, right?
Depends on your viewpoint.
(Day One. Yamagata Zao)
Here are the facts:
- I planned and budgeted for this trip. The logistics worked like clockwork. Like a wind-up bird chronicle.
- The unplanned things planned themselves, coincidentally at the right time.
- Eleven days in my snowboard boots; Rode at seven different resorts: groomed trail; backcountry and off-piste. Hit one tree. Had to dig myself out of knee-deep (occasionally thigh-deep) powder on numerous occasions
- Ate like a glutton, fasted like a monk
- Practiced “being” versus “doing” and observed my thoughts. Sometimes I got caught up in them. Other times I laughed at myself for thinking about them.
- Read Yukio Mishima’s “Spring Snow and half of Haruki Murakami’s “The Wind-up Bird Chronicle.”
This is getting boring for me to write.
(Still at Yamagata-Zao)
I tried to describe to Wayne about the snow and all I could do was laugh. I tried to heed Hannah’s advice about dominating the slopes with rage and instead I flowed with the slopes while being aware. I am trying to write about this flawless trip, and, as usual, the words just write themselves while awkwardly getting in their own way.
(These are the "snow monsters" for which this resort is famous. They are trees covered by ice and snow, based on a wind that whips up over the neighboring peak. Juhyou, if you will.)
(A close-up of a snow monster, hard to tell with the white-out conditions that approached.)
(They fenced off the snow monsters to prevent them from attacking us!)
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