My Guru told me to expect no outcomes. He also reminded me to be myself.
What he failed to share with me and what I didnt have time to ask him concerns the past, concerns relationships, concerns a life that I knew.
Each moment is a timestamp. It imprints itself on my life passport and I travel through the next set of gates to the succeeding location. The border police don't give me any trouble... because there are no border police. As each moment flows into the next, almost continuously, my passport is stamped and I have wide eyes to explore the next moment. That is, except for when I narrow my vision or hold on to a previous sight... then the apparitions appear and confiscate my passport and inspect it, keeping me at the previously non-existant "moment" checkpoint. I have to negotiate to get it back and that can take seconds or weeks.
As days pass in Japan, I lose my ability to communicate in English effectively. I use the Japanese, indirect approach and lose the powerful straightforwardness that I have harnessed in English. It makes me present my thoughts in a different light, and it makes it impossible for true English speakers to understand what the fuck I am talking about. I can't blame them. I can only blame myself. But I can't even blame myself because I don't know/think/feel there is anything wrong.
Why am I still typing? What am I actually typing? I lost the point of this blog in my usual scatter-brained madness. Wow. I dream for the day when I can actually put together congruent thoughts without being interrupted by my self. Or whoever that is. Or whatever that is. Who are you?
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