writing what i should(n't)

It's August... the end of lazy wonderful summer afternoons in California, time for new enrollment in school and also time to send in applications for various "next" steps.

My window is closing this year. My graduate school exam is still valid, but my letters of recommendation from UCLA are probably pretty outdated. As far as the practicality of the (fake) "real" life to which i have been accustomed, this is a big problem. What will I tell employers about this time "off"? What "experience" can I write down on the all (not) important resume?

There are the heavy ideas of commitment to family, to society, to self. What is the point of going through with all of this anyways? Does it matter what I think or should I be aiming to find the middle intersecting space of the this intense "Life" Venn Diagram?

Maybe in writing this I am committing to the "next step(s)" after all.

Robert Johnson (1936) via my Derek and the Dominos version sheds a bit of light on the situation:

"I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Asked the Lord above for mercy, 'Save me if you please.'
I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
Down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
Nobody seemed to know me, everybody passed me by."

During times of change and opportunity, one can ask God, he can ask his friends, he can ask strangers... and none of that advice really matters.

In direct opposition to what I've told myself, "Dave, make a decision," I reply, "Decision, please make a dave."