Same quagmire

I am getting asked, by others and mainly by my self, what I am doing after Japan. There are so many approaches to this that I have backed myself into cowering in the corner in fear.

One approach is like the typical Dave who cuts his nose to spite his face... "Ha, after Japan, well, I'm never leaving- so there!"

One approach is like the typical Dave who wants decisions to make him, instead of making the decisions.... "Maybe I'll hang out until there is a reason to leave..."

One approach is like the typical Dave who wants to do everything, impulsive and on-the-move, forever perplexing those who want to help him... "I'm gonna blow this Popsicle stand next year and check out the world again!"

One approach is like the typical Dave who daydreams and thinks and imagines all of the potential the world has to offer in terms of jobs, opportunities and exotic locations... "Japan is lovely, but paragliding naked off of glaciers in New Zealand sounds amazing!"

Compound these approaches with millions of others that pop up throughout the day and you can laugh at the same idiot who was trying to balance all of this about the same time last year also. Same quagmire.

I have until FEBRUARY to officially make this decision, but I remember how peaceful it was when I finally made the decision last year. As soon as it was done, life became more enjoyable. Until that happened, like now, I felt in a small, awkwardly-shaped void. It seems that this is more psychological than anything else... but it is my current state nonetheless. Usually, I make this hamster wheel turn when I have too much time to think. Lately, however, I haven't had a free second and this makes the instants and flashes about this topic even more intense.

Again, none of this future even matters because it is all likely to change. If I focus on living in the NOW, then I can enjoy it all for what its worth... Easier said than done, my American roots and upbringing still poke at me to plan for the future. A constant struggle... between future and present. Sometimes the past too, but she is hanging out nowadays while the other two engage in battle.

Where has this blog left me? In the same place as before... just with some of it OUT of my head! Isn't that, after all, why we write anyways?