Twenty-two days later

I haven't had a chance to post in a long time. It was a back-to-back situation. The Final (backpacking trip) was a nine-day endeavor in the back and front country. We climbed Kerouac's Desolation Peak and saw his lookout that spied on Hozomeen. And then some driving around the east side of the N. Cascades to see other Fire Lookouts (places and people) and the fire damage from fires over the past decade. One afternoon to reset everything, then headed to SoCal.

Sawako and I had a great week together: met at LAX, saw my family- parents, grandparents, Jake, Charlie-, Laguna Beach, HUGE waves at the Wedge, La Jolla, (the S.D. Zoo and its pandas!) and the Grand Canyon... not to mention a lot of long trains, gorgeous sand dunes and 122 degree heat in southern Arizona. Gila Bend, AZ... a town NOT to be missed if you like to bake in the shade. I felt like I was being cooked; awkward but somewhat nice after a chilly western Washington summer. Dropped her off after eight days together and then caught a flight the next day. Saw Boitano after a couple years' absence and stayed the night at her parents' friend's place on Lake Samamish.

Today I drove straight to the take-out Chinese restaurant today then back to my apartment. Leisurely packed up my car, played basketball and sit to write this. It will be a slow evening... one in which I will load up on the Thai food and pizza that I will miss during my stint in Diablo... and tomorrow morning, I will drive up to Marblemount/Diablo/the North Cascades Institute. A year of living in the North Cascades (mountains) National Park begins when I move in my things during the afternoon tomorrow and get ready for Mountain School training which starts on Monday. I am excited to start this next adventure and my emotional/personal/physical batteries are fully recharged after my wonderful 10-day vacation. Let's do it!

Lost smile

Dude,
When did I get so serious? I had to rejoin that blasted facebook to remind myself that I smiled a lot in the recent years. How come all of that changed? Why haven't I been smiling? When did I forget to have fun? How come I can't "be" as much as I was.
A friend, good ole Josh, told me that I would be smiling even if my apartment burned to the ground. That is how he knows me. It brought back a flicker of memory... I think he is right. When was that and what has changed since? Why have I forgotten to smile? I am out of practice. I'd better get on that!

Disattached

and disillusioned. It finally hit me today. I am a stranger here. I cannot fit in right now. I am totally not in the picture. I feel like the movie rolls and I am a lost actor. I don't know the lines, I can't follow the scenes and I have a lousy salary. So lost. This is a weird feeling. I haven't felt this in a long time. Have I been running from it or is this a reminder? I had to write something, though I have no idea what I am even saying. A sigh.