Happy new year

So, another calendar year passes and the grey hair on my head can no longer be avoided.

I turned one more year closer to 30, saw my family during a 60th anniversary party for the grandparents and went to a wedding of a good friend from high school.

In the abstract, time is passing. Friends adventure off into the world- jobs, spouses, children. Family members do the same. Other folks lose their hearing and some have more difficulty moving than they used to. Time (which really doesn't move) moves on and memories are all that remain left in its wake.

For a more "downer" post, but philosophically uplifting(?):

I am 29 and have nothing to show for it. I have memories that only I can see. I have stories which need others' ears to be heard. I have the ability to communicate in many languages but can't talk with myself about it (or at least I can't respond without being considered crazy!)

I have no Things to show for my time, less some saved-up money from previous work.

It is a bit depressing because I have grown up exposed to the idea that one must have things to show for his work. A car, a house, a kid, a spouse. Perhaps an occupation or some advanced education.

And I can think myself into a rut when I compare myself to friends and others who have Things, not NoThings. I think I am behind, I think I should take a debt to pay off, I think I am lonely without a partner.

I think and think and think... and I could be really upset. But being upset only comes from a heart that is being ignored... not from a brain that is not being listened to.

I have started to "feel" instead of think. The heart is the speaker of feelings, not the brain. The brain is for working and accomplishing tasks. But the heart is for leading my life and when it does, when I leave space for it to speak (and more importantly, space for me to listen!), when I let my brain's word-train ramble off down the track (as it always does), when I sit on the side of the track and listen to the soft murmur of my heart, I know that I am moving in the right direction.

Sometimes I have to jump on the train to gain some ground faster, but I have to get off at the right stations to make sure I shouldn't transfer. And while I am waiting, perhaps it's important to walk around the station area, get a meal or a cup of coffee and ponder for a little while. It's a good opportunity to talk with some locals about what makes them tick. How are they doing on this particular day? It's nice to have a conversation with someone who doesn't know me or my story. They want my business, I want their service and we use the fluid time to live the moment... unless they are running around all crazy like during the lunch rush!

The time train rattles on. Fortunately there is email and telephones to help us meet up in the same places at the same "official" times. And while I could go on with the abstract time train continuum discussion, and indeed I could extrapolate much more on this topic, I just got a call from Drew and we are going to talk business on the golf course.

(Actually, it's gonna look like us laughing and causing trouble while playing mini golf. That is how business is done in the environmental education field!)

Cheers,
Dave