After the Equinox and a rant

A day of rest- happy Saturday. Got to sleep late. It's good because I was out till 12:30 last night, driving home drunk friends. It was nice to go out on the town, to see Bellingham get a little bit crazy in the evening. Downtown is a boppin' scene, or at least it was last night because the weather was fine. Flip flops for me too- that is how nice it was. It was really nice to have dinner with Barbara and Jyoti last night too. We had chili and some nice discussion before I left early and met with some colleagues and friends.

A bit weirded out by my landlord telling me how to live. He has to come down here every once in a while and he was quick to see a fan on and the heat on (set at 65). He is right in saying that I don't need those things on while I am gone. But the heat didn't even kick on for two days until after it was set. And he ought not tell me that the fan only needs to be on for 15 minutes. I can tell it needs to be on longer. The gist is that it was just weird coming home to a note on my desk last night. This is not that big of a deal, but I wrote it out anyway because it was streaming through my head.

I will sit and write a long overdue paper this gorgeous sunny weekend. That is OK. It's time I did it. Other folks are going to the Institute for an anniversary picnic.

Here is my opportunity to rail against that place. These are my feelings and they are not wrong or right. But they should be set free. I worked hard for a year and never got a thank you. Not a little note. I don't expect it, but I guess I thought it would be nice. You pay $15,000 to work and basically give another $15,000 free labor (more?) to a place, you think they'd have the class and tact to write a thank you note. I suppose I will earn a "certificate" in March, but small details are very important. A good lesson for me to have learned- small thank you's matter.

The last piece is that I feel slighted. I worked pretty hard but did one thing that I probably shouldn't have done. That one thing did no harm to anyone, but I "bragged" about it to others. It was blown out of proportion by two people I trusted. They were quick to turn on me and "tell on me" and after that the attitude of other folks changed. I am disgusted that after all that time, they didn't even talk to me first. That shows me that they saw me as a free laborer instead of a person. With the change of the administration's attitude toward me soon thereafter, without remembering the good work I had done, I feel like my work was for naught. Fortunately, the Institute can continue its system of free labor under the guise of education while they milk the federal government for money unknowingly too. There, I said it. It's true. They wonder why the poorer conservative community hates their existence. It is a beacon of flourishing and money, like a nature hotel, while tourists drive by their rural poverty and drug-stricken communities.

I sound bitter. I guess you get stepped on enough, you are bound to say something. And while the Institute's celebration of 25 years begins in a couple of hours, it would be wiser to reflect and see that their growing business is losing track of the familiarity that made it strong in the first place. Money rules, even in the non-profit sector, and mission comes second. It's a funny lesson to learn and another reminder that if I am going to work hard when money is involved it should be for big bucks. I shouldn't try to nickel and dime others in the sake of "good will."

Wow, this blog went wild. I guess those thoughts had to be expressed after all. I feel better after having written it out. I am glad I had the experience of a year up there, and so perhaps I should have written nothing at all. But I woke up and this all continued to weigh on me. Instead of letting it sit, I decided to write. I want to write some positive vibes to start the day- after all it is gorgeous and should be nice at the farmer's market. But I don't look at this as negative. More just an opportunity to get out feelings. on to breakfast.