2011-11-30
lingering cough and food coma
Cough won't go away. I am in a good place though. Went out to dinner... too much food. An hour evening nap... Writing this blog and then to bed rather early! One week to go in this quarter and the work laid out in front of me. Start chippin' away tomorrow.
One for my hommie, the real Eagle
This is for last night!
Inspirational night... getting through my sickness. Almost there. Rather quick recovery... that is a great sign about how healthy I (think I) am.
Nice to speak with Scott about our dreams to transform our homeland into a greener one... albeit still densely populated.
Caught sight of an owl around 10pm and stalked it (though it wasn't fooled at all) as it flew and perched in gloomy conifers.
Thanked and appreciated the woman whose garden inspires me every time I walk by it. She was rather scared (I am rather unkempt and it was late at night) but smiled as she shut the door quickly. Oh well, got that feeling out of my head.
Sleep was good and my project work is done... a small presentation to do today, and I will sort of "wing it." I have some things I'd like to say, but I am by no means an expert... just a curious reader.
Two years ago I applied for this grad program. And here I am. With much more insight and content than I would have ever imagined.
Pete died about three years ago. He would be 29 today. I would be laughing about how the Eagles won't make the playoffs and he would be telling me to fuck off while downplaying the Steelers. It would be nice to talk with him.
May I live in a way today that would make him proud to be my friend.
Inspirational night... getting through my sickness. Almost there. Rather quick recovery... that is a great sign about how healthy I (think I) am.
Nice to speak with Scott about our dreams to transform our homeland into a greener one... albeit still densely populated.
Caught sight of an owl around 10pm and stalked it (though it wasn't fooled at all) as it flew and perched in gloomy conifers.
Thanked and appreciated the woman whose garden inspires me every time I walk by it. She was rather scared (I am rather unkempt and it was late at night) but smiled as she shut the door quickly. Oh well, got that feeling out of my head.
Sleep was good and my project work is done... a small presentation to do today, and I will sort of "wing it." I have some things I'd like to say, but I am by no means an expert... just a curious reader.
Two years ago I applied for this grad program. And here I am. With much more insight and content than I would have ever imagined.
Pete died about three years ago. He would be 29 today. I would be laughing about how the Eagles won't make the playoffs and he would be telling me to fuck off while downplaying the Steelers. It would be nice to talk with him.
May I live in a way today that would make him proud to be my friend.
2011-11-29
blast- another two days
Oy, I have been under the weather. so, no blogging. Moreover, Elaine was visiting from Vancouver and I spent most of my time on the couch reading and writing a paper for class and away from the internet. Thus, no blog. Oy. I even said out loud that I wouldn't forget to do it last night. But I certainly did!
Getting through this sickness, caused certainly by lack of sleep before Thanksgiving, in relatively short time. And back to the grind. Another paper done, another presentation to create, more paper to write and more presentations to deliver. I can see the end and it looks awesome. I can see the tremendous workload for next quarter looming in the distance, waiting for January to unleash a torrent of busy-ness onto me... but even that is kind of exciting!
Jake gets here in just over two weeks and we will have a good time up here together. It will be cold, but there may be snow to ride, birds to see, Vancouver to visit and other things to eat, see and do in Bellingham for 10 days. Looking forward to that, for sure!
Getting through this sickness, caused certainly by lack of sleep before Thanksgiving, in relatively short time. And back to the grind. Another paper done, another presentation to create, more paper to write and more presentations to deliver. I can see the end and it looks awesome. I can see the tremendous workload for next quarter looming in the distance, waiting for January to unleash a torrent of busy-ness onto me... but even that is kind of exciting!
Jake gets here in just over two weeks and we will have a good time up here together. It will be cold, but there may be snow to ride, birds to see, Vancouver to visit and other things to eat, see and do in Bellingham for 10 days. Looking forward to that, for sure!
2011-11-26
2011-11-23
weird sleep... not a lot of it and BEAUTIFUL CALIFORNIA!
Slept at 11:20pm... woke up at 2:45AM! Drove to the airport for my 5am flight, connected in Seattle (pouring rain) slept on a bench in front of the gate and then again on the airplane. Thought I might actually die on the first leg because the turbulence was non-stop, I felt sick to my stomach (never had happened to me on a plane before) and the plane teetered a dozen times as we landed and eventually slowed down into strong winds and driving rain. Arrived 9:30am... & GO!
Love Mom for picking me up (and for busting my balls all day). Drew and I went to Newport, got fabulous fish burritos at Bear Flag, spent some time by the beach... I almost grabbed a Great Blue Heron (the closest I have ever gotten to one, actually), saw the PELICANS! Some tiny cormorants, and even some dolphins glistening in the 78-degree sun! Great day.
Some reading, dinner with the family.. it's awesome to be with Mom, Dad, and Jake. No Charlie... so that is kind of sad. But I saw his ashes and his water/food bowls are there still-- nostalgia indeed. RIP to you kind, quiet, black friend.
Love Mom for picking me up (and for busting my balls all day). Drew and I went to Newport, got fabulous fish burritos at Bear Flag, spent some time by the beach... I almost grabbed a Great Blue Heron (the closest I have ever gotten to one, actually), saw the PELICANS! Some tiny cormorants, and even some dolphins glistening in the 78-degree sun! Great day.
Some reading, dinner with the family.. it's awesome to be with Mom, Dad, and Jake. No Charlie... so that is kind of sad. But I saw his ashes and his water/food bowls are there still-- nostalgia indeed. RIP to you kind, quiet, black friend.
2011-11-22
Shame on Nancy Steiger, Shame on St. Joseph's Medical Center in Bellingham, Shame on PeaceHealth
Shame on Nancy Steiger Chief Executive Officer of St. Joseph's Medical Center in Bellingham, Washington. Her selfish efforts to make money have undermined the mission and core values of the hospital and its partners.
No longer is PeaceHealth St. Joseph's providing relief to pain and suffering; rather is is enabling pain and suffering. PeaceHealth is irresponsible for permitting her actions that deny support for the nurses who comfort patients in its care.
Their negligent behavior to make a profit puts my life and the lives of my friends at risk. Their monetary gain is not justifiable in undercutting community health and risking lives.
Shame on Nancy Steiger, St. Joseph's Medical Center in Bellingham, and PeaceHealth for endangering the lives of those who live in Bellingham and Whatcom county.
No longer is PeaceHealth St. Joseph's providing relief to pain and suffering; rather is is enabling pain and suffering. PeaceHealth is irresponsible for permitting her actions that deny support for the nurses who comfort patients in its care.
Their negligent behavior to make a profit puts my life and the lives of my friends at risk. Their monetary gain is not justifiable in undercutting community health and risking lives.
Shame on Nancy Steiger, St. Joseph's Medical Center in Bellingham, and PeaceHealth for endangering the lives of those who live in Bellingham and Whatcom county.
too busy to blog...
ahh, I was so busy, I forgot to write this 10 minutes ago to get it in for November 21st!
Oy missed two days in a row... yesterday I didn't even remember to do it. Today I have been utterly swamped trying to type myriad papers, resumes, letters, emails, etc. and today has already turned into tomorrow... which is actually today. A little bit of sleep and more writing all day tomorrow.. and some reading... and some packing and then a 3:15am departure on Wed morning for a super early flight... to get me to orange county. Maybe it will be warmer at my parents' house.
And the huge gusts blow loudly late into this evening... in the form of flatulence AND stormy northern latitude winds
Oy missed two days in a row... yesterday I didn't even remember to do it. Today I have been utterly swamped trying to type myriad papers, resumes, letters, emails, etc. and today has already turned into tomorrow... which is actually today. A little bit of sleep and more writing all day tomorrow.. and some reading... and some packing and then a 3:15am departure on Wed morning for a super early flight... to get me to orange county. Maybe it will be warmer at my parents' house.
And the huge gusts blow loudly late into this evening... in the form of flatulence AND stormy northern latitude winds
2011-11-19
short but sweet
again didnt do any of the work I have to do... oy. But the farmer's market was great and all of the people I ran into were fun to chat with. A short nap and then laundry and dinner with Scott. Football too! Now, onto the work!
2011-11-18
missed yesterday but good for today!
Got to be crazy/madness yesterday... all busy with class and yoga, tea with CeCe and then folks kept arriving and then social support took over and then I went over to Kate and CeCe's for group studying... eventually found myself home at 11:15pm, pretty tired, with reading to do still. So I went to bed.
-----------------
It has been a fulfilling week, with much social and community connectedness. Recently folks have been struggling or looking for guidance. Or simply an ear, or a shoulder. I have been in a very good space recently, so I have no tears to shed besides the empathetic ones. It is because of my present flourishing that I am not only able to help others cope with their troubles, but excited to spend time doing so.
I have put off some work and will have to bust my arse to catch up. I even have to forgo snowboarding this weekend (despite 2 feet of fresh powder!) on the opening of Mt. Baker. And you know what... it is OK. Community needs support and it provides comfort. It is our responsibility to provide that when we are able and to lean on community when we need it.
And I will slow down again, not drive to the mountains (and use the gas), this weekend. More fresh produce from the farmer's market... hopefully to get stuff for another wonderful potato-leek-cabbage soup and make it. Also, this afternoon I went down to the harbor and bought two salmon. A Coho (Keta) [6.5 lbs] and a Pink [3.5 lbs] . For a total of $20. Unbelievable! From the fisherman who caught them last summer outside of Petersberg, Alaska. That's about as "local" as one could do.
-----------------
It has been a fulfilling week, with much social and community connectedness. Recently folks have been struggling or looking for guidance. Or simply an ear, or a shoulder. I have been in a very good space recently, so I have no tears to shed besides the empathetic ones. It is because of my present flourishing that I am not only able to help others cope with their troubles, but excited to spend time doing so.
I have put off some work and will have to bust my arse to catch up. I even have to forgo snowboarding this weekend (despite 2 feet of fresh powder!) on the opening of Mt. Baker. And you know what... it is OK. Community needs support and it provides comfort. It is our responsibility to provide that when we are able and to lean on community when we need it.
And I will slow down again, not drive to the mountains (and use the gas), this weekend. More fresh produce from the farmer's market... hopefully to get stuff for another wonderful potato-leek-cabbage soup and make it. Also, this afternoon I went down to the harbor and bought two salmon. A Coho (Keta) [6.5 lbs] and a Pink [3.5 lbs] . For a total of $20. Unbelievable! From the fisherman who caught them last summer outside of Petersberg, Alaska. That's about as "local" as one could do.
2011-11-16
did everything but what I needed to read~!
Exactly that. I am bubbling with positude currently. I am not "happy" and my emotions are more down than up, but I am flourishing and excelling in my attitude and actions. Lots of checking in with people today. I met with the majority of my colleagues and spread the good vibes around. We all need it and some of us have it, so it is a good time to share the wealth. At least for me. Lots of tea tonight with different parties and good discussions. But no reading for class, like I wanted to do.
Per usual Yoga was an amazing start to the day, class and morning work went on just fine and the gym was a tough but rewarding. More pull ups than usual and lots of sweat pouring from the bike regiment. Yoga in the AM tomorrow too and getting up for it is good reason to get some rest now!
I am finally becoming American Dave again. It's weird to recognize the changes in my actions, thoughts, feelings and mannerisms. It almost feels natural to "be myself" after so much time from it. Some very crucial elements still resonate with "other" cultures in my head, but I laughed on the walk home at my Americanized self. It is not good or bad, better or worse... but blending in and now I have the freedom to explore that self, sustain its commonalities compared with other contexts and flourish in my energy passions and knowledge. Makes sense to me.
Per usual Yoga was an amazing start to the day, class and morning work went on just fine and the gym was a tough but rewarding. More pull ups than usual and lots of sweat pouring from the bike regiment. Yoga in the AM tomorrow too and getting up for it is good reason to get some rest now!
I am finally becoming American Dave again. It's weird to recognize the changes in my actions, thoughts, feelings and mannerisms. It almost feels natural to "be myself" after so much time from it. Some very crucial elements still resonate with "other" cultures in my head, but I laughed on the walk home at my Americanized self. It is not good or bad, better or worse... but blending in and now I have the freedom to explore that self, sustain its commonalities compared with other contexts and flourish in my energy passions and knowledge. Makes sense to me.
2011-11-15
excellence
Today was superb. Though I didn't get out of bed early like I could have and felt that I was running late, I managed to indeed cook the Spanish omelet that I had prepared for. Thus, I didn't waste food. I got to Yoga early which was a grounding experience (and lately has been). Class was nice and then just got it done today. Reading, resume, assignments and then got a SWIM in! That was awesome.
I forgot how wonderful it is to glide in the water. I was definitely out of breath really fast, but my form is improving slowly in just two sessions! I can see and feel the differences. I have to work on stamina, but it is a fun activity. Yet another way to utilize the gym, keep myself active and break up the lulls in studying, reading and class. Another great, although late, evening class also.
Today was excellent.
I forgot how wonderful it is to glide in the water. I was definitely out of breath really fast, but my form is improving slowly in just two sessions! I can see and feel the differences. I have to work on stamina, but it is a fun activity. Yet another way to utilize the gym, keep myself active and break up the lulls in studying, reading and class. Another great, although late, evening class also.
Today was excellent.
2011-11-14
ahhh, didnt read today!
OK, So I didn't read this evening like I had anticipated. Nick came over and we conversed for a LONG time. That's OK. I didn't go to the gym either. But that's OK. I realized how far behind I am in class... and that is OK. OK.
Calmly to sleep and early to wake up? Plenty of work that I have to do... and it is out for me to see. Boy is it intimidating!
Calmly to sleep and early to wake up? Plenty of work that I have to do... and it is out for me to see. Boy is it intimidating!
2011-11-13
long up and a lull and then an up
I totally felt the energy flow and ebb today. Woke up and got a lot done (probably ill-timed) with a certification I am trying to earn with the Institute. One more requirement left and then I have to compile all of the work I've done. I have the blueprint, but have to go through and save all of the files to a CD... as soon as I am done with an article (that I need to write and get published!)
Then on to a great smelling soup. Potato-leek... with garlic and then in with celery and cabbage. I am gonna blend it in the morning and it should be ample thick! I hope it tastes good... it certainly smells that way.
Lulled in the afternoon. Nick came over for a cup of tea and then went on his way. I tried to do schoolwork but closed my eyes. And then I woke up to try again, so I read for another 4 minutes... then off to sleep. After a 24 minute cat nap, I knew I had to get up. Went to the gym.. first time out of my apartment was at 4:05pm... but I got on that bike and pushed it and did some exercises and stretching and then felt awesome after a shower. Remembered to turn off the water while soaping up! That was awesome too.
On my way to the bus stop when Clint and Alexandra stopped their car and offered to drive me. Instead of going home I had them drop me at the co-op because I needed ground chicken. Got to the bus stop and realized that there were no more buses for the night. So I called them up, joined them for dinner at Boundary Bay and watched the Pats beat the Jets handily. That made Clint just giddy.
I prepped some veggies for tomorrow and am ready to rock. Still way behind on my reading, but that is OK. I am in a good place, even though I can't readily smile. Well-being is high, even though the positive emotion aspect of that is a bit lower than last week. Relationships, Achievements and the other two aspects are good.
Ready for 7am Yoga with Maya and a swim sometime tomorrow before class too... lots of reading and studying to do. Set to go!
Then on to a great smelling soup. Potato-leek... with garlic and then in with celery and cabbage. I am gonna blend it in the morning and it should be ample thick! I hope it tastes good... it certainly smells that way.
Lulled in the afternoon. Nick came over for a cup of tea and then went on his way. I tried to do schoolwork but closed my eyes. And then I woke up to try again, so I read for another 4 minutes... then off to sleep. After a 24 minute cat nap, I knew I had to get up. Went to the gym.. first time out of my apartment was at 4:05pm... but I got on that bike and pushed it and did some exercises and stretching and then felt awesome after a shower. Remembered to turn off the water while soaping up! That was awesome too.
On my way to the bus stop when Clint and Alexandra stopped their car and offered to drive me. Instead of going home I had them drop me at the co-op because I needed ground chicken. Got to the bus stop and realized that there were no more buses for the night. So I called them up, joined them for dinner at Boundary Bay and watched the Pats beat the Jets handily. That made Clint just giddy.
I prepped some veggies for tomorrow and am ready to rock. Still way behind on my reading, but that is OK. I am in a good place, even though I can't readily smile. Well-being is high, even though the positive emotion aspect of that is a bit lower than last week. Relationships, Achievements and the other two aspects are good.
Ready for 7am Yoga with Maya and a swim sometime tomorrow before class too... lots of reading and studying to do. Set to go!
misc photos
Don't know the name of this flower
Haliaeetus leucocephalus
A fly-by
Mt. Baker looms to the east from Semiahmoo Spit2011-11-12
yoga, gym, sushi
Yoga in the morning. Gym from 11:20~2:00: basketball, SWIMMING, jacuzzi, and some other games in the gym. Boy I am OUT OF SHAPE! Maybe fit-looking, but certainly winded by the lightest workout. I have work to do. A nap after I gorged myself and then sushi with Scott, Clint and Alexandra. Wanna go to sleep, but I am awake now... and have work that I could do too. Oy. Ohh, where to begin with the workload at 8:20pm? From right here!
2011-11-10
good thursday
Went to be super early last night and thought I met get up at 5:15... not quite what happened, in fact I was still tired at 6:30 when I actually got up.
Did my reading, which is still enjoyable and then yoga (I love!) and class. Elizabeth came back here with me and we had a simple lunch and an afternoon on Bellingham Bay- just shooting the shit. Then I joined my colleagues from Ad theory at a middle school where I learned from the principal about what life is like as the head administrator at a unique school. I don't know if that kind of work is for me... it was good to see what it can be like!
Not much to report besides an overall sense of happiness and good feelingness. That is something important to recognize because I have downer days too. It's valuable to recognize that life is peaches and cream... so when it is more mushrooms and shellfish I can remember the sweet times too.
Did my reading, which is still enjoyable and then yoga (I love!) and class. Elizabeth came back here with me and we had a simple lunch and an afternoon on Bellingham Bay- just shooting the shit. Then I joined my colleagues from Ad theory at a middle school where I learned from the principal about what life is like as the head administrator at a unique school. I don't know if that kind of work is for me... it was good to see what it can be like!
Not much to report besides an overall sense of happiness and good feelingness. That is something important to recognize because I have downer days too. It's valuable to recognize that life is peaches and cream... so when it is more mushrooms and shellfish I can remember the sweet times too.
2011-11-09
sleep early
Long day yesterday, kinda loopy at the end of it all and trying to converse with Wayne about winter plans... fail on my part. No energy left.
Spoke with Gordo today about good work that he is doing, that I am doing, that we are all (capable of) doing.
Yoga this morning with Maya was lovely. Some school work... not nearly enough! and some paperwork which is done forever I hope. And a killer workout... I was in the gym for much longer than I anticipated, but shredded the bike and got in an extra set of push-ups too--- that was rad. Jacuzzi where I ran into Teresa and chatted for a minute. Then home to food that was ready to go. Gotta read before going to class tomorrow, but I think going to bed is the better option and then waking up early (and probably naturally) to get the work done. Listen to the body...
Spoke with Gordo today about good work that he is doing, that I am doing, that we are all (capable of) doing.
Yoga this morning with Maya was lovely. Some school work... not nearly enough! and some paperwork which is done forever I hope. And a killer workout... I was in the gym for much longer than I anticipated, but shredded the bike and got in an extra set of push-ups too--- that was rad. Jacuzzi where I ran into Teresa and chatted for a minute. Then home to food that was ready to go. Gotta read before going to class tomorrow, but I think going to bed is the better option and then waking up early (and probably naturally) to get the work done. Listen to the body...
2011-11-08
Post #300
Or so the counter says.
Flourish by Martin Seligman. Worth your while.
I'm tired again. A long Tuesday. But I am getting through the work and enjoying it... and it is hard to be a graduate student. A life-long student. And it is a worthwhile life to always be learning. I hope to carry this theme with me... and to never stop. Even when I am tired.
And in Zen tradition... when we are the most tired is the best time to practice. When we are too cold or too hot it is the best time. When we are busy, it is the best time to practice. It is always the best time to practice (or to study, read and be good.)
Flourish by Martin Seligman. Worth your while.
I'm tired again. A long Tuesday. But I am getting through the work and enjoying it... and it is hard to be a graduate student. A life-long student. And it is a worthwhile life to always be learning. I hope to carry this theme with me... and to never stop. Even when I am tired.
And in Zen tradition... when we are the most tired is the best time to practice. When we are too cold or too hot it is the best time. When we are busy, it is the best time to practice. It is always the best time to practice (or to study, read and be good.)
2011-11-07
blocked
meant to write earlier when I was feeling energetic. didn't happen. got to cooking. too much time on my feet today in the kitchen. new chicken soup recipe. too much effort. i need a bigger pot! that would have halved the time! Still not done. do it in the morning.
tomorrow i have to teach a lesson on a chapter in a book. the moral of the chapter: you can prepare and study (myriad lists provided) leadership but it doesn't matter when the push comes to shove. What is there to teach? how can I do it with some activities? power point is BORING and I refuse to use it for my presentation. even though it is for adults, I KNOW they need some action and innovation in their lives right now... I certainly do. But I am not sure how to make it work! And I am sitting on my arse trying to figure it out... errgh.
today was a remarkable day though. Lots of positive accomplishments and lucky timings too. And still trying not to use the heat.
Mental block. Oy.
tomorrow i have to teach a lesson on a chapter in a book. the moral of the chapter: you can prepare and study (myriad lists provided) leadership but it doesn't matter when the push comes to shove. What is there to teach? how can I do it with some activities? power point is BORING and I refuse to use it for my presentation. even though it is for adults, I KNOW they need some action and innovation in their lives right now... I certainly do. But I am not sure how to make it work! And I am sitting on my arse trying to figure it out... errgh.
today was a remarkable day though. Lots of positive accomplishments and lucky timings too. And still trying not to use the heat.
Mental block. Oy.
2011-11-06
fun day and all about me
So selfish I was today...
Woke up at 5:15, thinking it was 6:15... yay daylight savings time.
Shaved and cleaned up my apartment, filled up my tank (hopefully for the month) and picked up Clint. Swung by to get CeCe also and we went to Semiahmoo Spit to look at birds. It is a small strip of land in Blaine, WA directly across from the Canadian border. Sure was cold first thing in the morning, but we managed to see lots of cool winged ones: Great Blue Heron, Harlequins, Buffleheads, Grebes, both White-winged and Surf Scoters, Northern Harriers, Black-capped Chickadees, Spotted Towhee, Crested Merganser, Mallards, Pelagic Cormorants, Gulls of all sorts, a Bald Eagle, Ravens, Starlings, two different sparrows, Northern Flickers (and a dead one in my trunk... ahh, I gotta go get that!) and a couple more that I don't remember right now. Wow, we sure did see a bunch, now that I look over that list!
Dropped them off and got ready for a rock climbing class. One of the perks of university is that there are a bunch of cheap classes for students... so I am trying to take what I can! Lead Climbing and Belay was it today. And I was the only one who signed up! So, I had a 2.5 hr private lead climbing lesson (for only $25.) Whooo-weeee, was it scary! And then I had to belay my instructor (who I am sure was ten years younger than me!) I got to set anchors for myself and self-rappel as he looked over my shoulder, but I got it done on my own! I still have some practicing to do in order to make it go smoother, but I managed all the gear properly. Such a great feeling. But it adds another dynamic to my rock climbing activity.
Got to listen to and watch some Steelers/Ravens while making and eating dinner. Fried & breaded rainbow trout, homemade french fries, sauteed Brussels sprouts and rice... and I am a little more full than I ought to be. I want to watch the rest of the game, but I probably should read because I obviously did no school work today. Pretty pumped.
Another note: it would be nice to pick up cute ladies on Friday and Saturday nights. But that is not my style... so I will go about climbing and gyming and reading and working and not worry about the "social" life that bothered me so much over the weekend. Like that Z-trip track, "Just Doin' My Thang."
Woke up at 5:15, thinking it was 6:15... yay daylight savings time.
Shaved and cleaned up my apartment, filled up my tank (hopefully for the month) and picked up Clint. Swung by to get CeCe also and we went to Semiahmoo Spit to look at birds. It is a small strip of land in Blaine, WA directly across from the Canadian border. Sure was cold first thing in the morning, but we managed to see lots of cool winged ones: Great Blue Heron, Harlequins, Buffleheads, Grebes, both White-winged and Surf Scoters, Northern Harriers, Black-capped Chickadees, Spotted Towhee, Crested Merganser, Mallards, Pelagic Cormorants, Gulls of all sorts, a Bald Eagle, Ravens, Starlings, two different sparrows, Northern Flickers (and a dead one in my trunk... ahh, I gotta go get that!) and a couple more that I don't remember right now. Wow, we sure did see a bunch, now that I look over that list!
Dropped them off and got ready for a rock climbing class. One of the perks of university is that there are a bunch of cheap classes for students... so I am trying to take what I can! Lead Climbing and Belay was it today. And I was the only one who signed up! So, I had a 2.5 hr private lead climbing lesson (for only $25.) Whooo-weeee, was it scary! And then I had to belay my instructor (who I am sure was ten years younger than me!) I got to set anchors for myself and self-rappel as he looked over my shoulder, but I got it done on my own! I still have some practicing to do in order to make it go smoother, but I managed all the gear properly. Such a great feeling. But it adds another dynamic to my rock climbing activity.
Got to listen to and watch some Steelers/Ravens while making and eating dinner. Fried & breaded rainbow trout, homemade french fries, sauteed Brussels sprouts and rice... and I am a little more full than I ought to be. I want to watch the rest of the game, but I probably should read because I obviously did no school work today. Pretty pumped.
Another note: it would be nice to pick up cute ladies on Friday and Saturday nights. But that is not my style... so I will go about climbing and gyming and reading and working and not worry about the "social" life that bothered me so much over the weekend. Like that Z-trip track, "Just Doin' My Thang."
2011-11-05
slow down, sleep, rest... really and reset
That's what it took. Sleep... rest, waking up late into an already gorgeous sunny Bellingham morning. To the farmer's market where I ran into a lot of colleagues. Got food for the next week or so and lots of plans for great soups: potato-leek-kale, homemade chicken soup. I got home and picked up my book and after a chapter took a nap. Next thing I know it is 4pm and gorgeous still. Perfect situation for a kayak... but my shoulder feels weird and I didn't have time to warm-up or stretch. So I decided a walk along the coast was better. Lots of people, lots of concrete on the dock and sidewalks, but the birds still fly and swim looking for fish. They reminded me that I love the coast and the wildlife and that I should make an effort to get there more often.
Enter a conflict: I am trying to use less gasoline. I don't want to drive far at all and make efforts to not use my car. In fact, I haven't put gas in my car tank since the end of September. But tomorrow I'll have to fill up as I want to head to the birds at the border... and center myself again.
I wrote yesterday about not being the social butterfly I once was. Well, that was a REALLY long time ago actually. If I accurately recall, then I'll see the pattern that indeed I am a loner. Lots of traveling solo, bird watching and dinners by myself, random snowboard and hiking days just me. So, I can accept that I have spent much of my life on my own. And that is OK too. So, I now have a better perspective of where I am. And it took the coast and the birds (not to mention some sunshine and rest) to remind me that all is well and that there are no stressful aspects of my life anyhow.
And not to worry about finding or making friends. It is a slow process for me. And the friends I make are gems also, so I shouldn't go about making some just to fill the time and space. The true energy will arrive and maintain me when it does. :) And then I look to the quote on the side of my blog from Castaneda and I settle down even more. Energy is what is important... not how it is decorated.
Enter a conflict: I am trying to use less gasoline. I don't want to drive far at all and make efforts to not use my car. In fact, I haven't put gas in my car tank since the end of September. But tomorrow I'll have to fill up as I want to head to the birds at the border... and center myself again.
I wrote yesterday about not being the social butterfly I once was. Well, that was a REALLY long time ago actually. If I accurately recall, then I'll see the pattern that indeed I am a loner. Lots of traveling solo, bird watching and dinners by myself, random snowboard and hiking days just me. So, I can accept that I have spent much of my life on my own. And that is OK too. So, I now have a better perspective of where I am. And it took the coast and the birds (not to mention some sunshine and rest) to remind me that all is well and that there are no stressful aspects of my life anyhow.
And not to worry about finding or making friends. It is a slow process for me. And the friends I make are gems also, so I shouldn't go about making some just to fill the time and space. The true energy will arrive and maintain me when it does. :) And then I look to the quote on the side of my blog from Castaneda and I settle down even more. Energy is what is important... not how it is decorated.
2011-11-04
great day and the deeper reflection...
Killed it today. Finished the book, finished the paper, ran the seminar (with a great team) and felt good after a solid fist pump in the late afternoon sun as I walked home. Cleaned up my apartment for the most part, organized life for the next week, and took care of business for my personal life. Did not go to the gym, but got a couple of walking minutes in today. And look forward to a rest tomorrow.
Was invited for dinner with Nick and Teresa. Played a board game called something "of Catan." It was fun indeed, in part, because I won. But it was nice to get together with some good folks... really. I missed the social aspect of my week. And probably in my life.
It is hard to be so honest in a public forum, but this is the way this blog is designed. I am in a difficult place because personally I am succeeding. I am following my passion, I am in a good location and am safe and secure. But I have a hard time in the social world.
From being away in my own country and abroad, I feel like I am where I left off after university. Basically, after seven years of putzing around and adventuring, I feel like I am 23 still. Problem is that I am not. I am nearly 30. The numbers don't matter so much, but the experience and differences in my head do. Combine this with being intellectually stimulated currently about environmental and large-scale issues and being well-traveled and I begin to think and talk like I am older than my age.
The massive gap in my developments (or my perceived feelings about it) renders me slightly helpless. I still can't fit into the culture that surrounds me. It seems awkward and I can't even fake wanting to be a part of it or understanding it. Further, I pigeonhole myself and haven't put myself out there to look for groups that share similar hobbies.
I am turning into the "individualistic" person that I read about this week without really wanting to. I appreciate the collective culture especially when it has similar intentions to those I hold, but I am struggling to find a fit into a community in which I feel comfortable. I know that they are out there, but something inside me is holding me back which holds me back even more... Awkward, I know. And I entrench myself into the good feelings that I evoke from following my passions... and that relegates me even further from groups of people.
Maybe the book just got to me; but maybe it brought to light that I am successful in one arena in my life and abysmal in another. (Not to be hard on myself; I chose that word because it is cool!) Whereas I used to be a social butterfly, I find myself now flying upward towards truth and meaning and less side-to-side meeting others. The more I climb, the fewer there are to the side with whom to relate. And I am doing it myself. I used to be able to break the ice, but lost that ability and am curious as to where it went or how to re-learn it.
I have gotten really shy. I have come to value listening and am OK with silence... I guess this isn't appropriate in a social setting, but that is where I am at. I don't want to belabor the point. Getting this out is good. Putting it in public makes me more forward (or perhaps more shy because it is in written words and not vocalized...?)
When I go out in public I rush to get home because I feel weird in those spaces. Never used to be like that. I guess I liked cafes in Europe, so I'd spend time in them. I enjoyed riding my bike around Japan, so I would frequent restaurants and have routines. But I am really struggling to find a groove in the country that I call home.
The same debate flares up... it is about staying put or moving around. I think I am a nomad and have been trying to avoid those traits. But I also like the easy sedentary lifestyle of staying in one place. It just doesn't feel right. I get the urge to go and then the urge to settle down. This is hard to balance. Maybe I need to stop typing and simply get some sleep...
Was invited for dinner with Nick and Teresa. Played a board game called something "of Catan." It was fun indeed, in part, because I won. But it was nice to get together with some good folks... really. I missed the social aspect of my week. And probably in my life.
It is hard to be so honest in a public forum, but this is the way this blog is designed. I am in a difficult place because personally I am succeeding. I am following my passion, I am in a good location and am safe and secure. But I have a hard time in the social world.
From being away in my own country and abroad, I feel like I am where I left off after university. Basically, after seven years of putzing around and adventuring, I feel like I am 23 still. Problem is that I am not. I am nearly 30. The numbers don't matter so much, but the experience and differences in my head do. Combine this with being intellectually stimulated currently about environmental and large-scale issues and being well-traveled and I begin to think and talk like I am older than my age.
The massive gap in my developments (or my perceived feelings about it) renders me slightly helpless. I still can't fit into the culture that surrounds me. It seems awkward and I can't even fake wanting to be a part of it or understanding it. Further, I pigeonhole myself and haven't put myself out there to look for groups that share similar hobbies.
I am turning into the "individualistic" person that I read about this week without really wanting to. I appreciate the collective culture especially when it has similar intentions to those I hold, but I am struggling to find a fit into a community in which I feel comfortable. I know that they are out there, but something inside me is holding me back which holds me back even more... Awkward, I know. And I entrench myself into the good feelings that I evoke from following my passions... and that relegates me even further from groups of people.
Maybe the book just got to me; but maybe it brought to light that I am successful in one arena in my life and abysmal in another. (Not to be hard on myself; I chose that word because it is cool!) Whereas I used to be a social butterfly, I find myself now flying upward towards truth and meaning and less side-to-side meeting others. The more I climb, the fewer there are to the side with whom to relate. And I am doing it myself. I used to be able to break the ice, but lost that ability and am curious as to where it went or how to re-learn it.
I have gotten really shy. I have come to value listening and am OK with silence... I guess this isn't appropriate in a social setting, but that is where I am at. I don't want to belabor the point. Getting this out is good. Putting it in public makes me more forward (or perhaps more shy because it is in written words and not vocalized...?)
When I go out in public I rush to get home because I feel weird in those spaces. Never used to be like that. I guess I liked cafes in Europe, so I'd spend time in them. I enjoyed riding my bike around Japan, so I would frequent restaurants and have routines. But I am really struggling to find a groove in the country that I call home.
The same debate flares up... it is about staying put or moving around. I think I am a nomad and have been trying to avoid those traits. But I also like the easy sedentary lifestyle of staying in one place. It just doesn't feel right. I get the urge to go and then the urge to settle down. This is hard to balance. Maybe I need to stop typing and simply get some sleep...
2011-11-03
Battling through cold and sickness and heavy work load, but with a positive mental attitude!
Heat Wave by Eric Klinenberg is a book about the failure of a society to support its citizens. With over 733 deaths, many of whom were elderly citizens, communities did not respond. And reading about a mass burial of 68 of them, all without next of kin or family to identify them, is the final thought I have before crawling into bed tonight... to pray for some sleep so that I can wake up early and write a short report about the book. Eight hours of reading... just three hours left to write three pages and another three hours of facilitating class. The end of this week is near. I yearn for Shabbat and the rest that it demands.
on overdrive
lots of reading and writing. From 6:15am to 12:45am (next day)... and a couple more minutes to go still. Tomorrow is gonna be a rough one too... but I'm getting there. Alive and kicking. Thank you electronic music (including BT right now) and caffeine (roasted green tea)!
2011-11-01
tired
I knew it was coming and I am tired... about to brush the teeth and head to sleep. Early wake-up, lots of reading and writing. Class. Finish a paper and read as much as possible. Then it'll be another similar post tomorrow asking myself to do it yet again. It's OK, in fact, enjoyable. Just a lot of work and long days. Almost back to full health... by this Shabbat I will be able to rest and relax- the way the day was designed.
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