from the fingertips right now

I am writing without thinking, i will not edit thsi account i will write until my head is clear and I wont stop until its done. run-ons are ok and this will be incoherent possibly. I am putting my randomness all together in this entry... goo

listening to bedouin soundclash and then sweatshop union and its nice to hear english, sushi, buena tuna for 350 yen, thats just over $3 and it was sweet. now i will make some chicken pesto, baby, i cant believe i found it and was able to read it in the grocery store... gotta laugh i spent 15 minutes studying sheets and comforters in kanji, and hiragana and was so happy to be able to read Japanese that I forgot to even buy what it was i went to look for in the fiorst palce. that should have been "first place". Enlarged pictures, ready to teach, have another 10 days before i get in the classroom. i was reminded that i am only an assistant, btuit will be fun to get in the classroom anyways.

damn its rough without AC and that bug bite on my upper foot is killing me, damn that guy was a strong biter... wow. They beat the small oens in the Sierra that's for shure... "And so it is..." according to Damien Rice in "The Blower's Daugher." So I will continue. I shure got frsutrated today... I suppose, no, i know, it was because i drakn those beers last night. I told myself that I want to stop, but i get sucked in every time. maybe, i actually do want to do it, but i am trying to live substance-free... boy, its a tough thing. i am pulled between how i feel and hwo i am a vulnerale social creature too- in an ebb and flow between my heart and between my everyday life. i want to fit into both and I am having a hard time doing it. Stop eating meat- the same thing... but its so easy and in the social environment I lose myself and my thoguhts, feelings and morals... what to do? the struggle in my head continues... and now it is more intense, because i cant get it out in Japanese to normal folks here... pantomiming my life in public when I am without a posse of English-speakers... noramlly one speaks Japanese so we get by and i just flow with the crowd... but as my self, my independent Dave-self, I jump around, use my hands to describe, get flustered, sweat and then sweat even more because it is so humid... and that reminds me, I dont have AC...

but the guy in the wheelchair in the gooday, home-depot, is the man, he speaks english and we got to laugh at how i am still on "Lesson 1". I laughed at me and I am sure he did too,... but he sure knows the store and if I through out key words he can help me and then repeat it in english... he speaks better english than any other folks in random stores with whom i've interacted... boy was it lucky to meet him. Sai, great dude, smiling (like the buddha) in his wheelchair to greet my everytime I walk into Goo-day during the week. It almost makes me want to fix up my apartment just so i can share a laugh and practice a word or two in Japanese... pretty pathertic, Dave... but gotta walk before you can crawl i guess, wait, switch that, reverse it.

Rambling on..., well not quite. Still Led Zeppelin, but the song is now "In the Evening," as "Ramble On" is on a different album. I wonder if i have lost my readers, I have lsot myself, thats for shure, in the moment of this flow and I have to stop now before I freak people out even more... wow, that was the first time I journaled in far too long... I have a lot of work to do....
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As the half-moon rises over Japan, out my window to the Southeast, I sit in the dark and know that I should go to sleep early tonight...it has been a long week.

Soon,