downs and ups

I have been having ups and downs-- mostly downs... The headaches, the time change, the madness in Japan. All of this is affecting me. I haven't been exercising and I have been feeling lethargic. Feeling nauseous, no appetite. Insomnia and sleep troubles.

All of this is a recipe for depression and disaster. It is amazing how fast it all came cycling at me. And to get myself out of this is hard. But the most important part is to recognize it. Once it is seen, it can be dealt with... otherwise it is slow madness that eats away at me and no one knows.

Why do I write such private matters on a public forum? I heard a quote to explain it:

"Those who mind, don't matter. And those who matter, don't mind."

This blog is a way for my to be honest with myself and the world. I don't have to put it in people's faces... they choose to come to this site or come across it on their own behalf.

I have struggled a lot the past week. I was in a shell and unable or unwilling to come out of it. I plan to find a doctor or counselor with whom I can talk, as that is one more way that I can help myself. In the meantime, I will force myself to work on the things I have been putting off- both the obligations I'd rather not do and the projects that mean something to me.

If I have wasted my time during the day, then I won't sleep so well. So I had better start working and putting my all into my work, and my relationships with other people. Dedication and commitment to others and to my self... the sleep may come after that and the cycle will slowly go on the up.

And, I gotta remember not to take myself too seriously.... and to remember to laugh too.

I fucking hate February~ March. I turn into Davey Downer. But to be fair, I didn't snowboard this winter very much, nor did I take a vacation to a warm or exotic place. This is the first time in eleven years that I didn't go on such a vacation. Note to self... go on vacation properly next winter! And get a job that will let you take a week or six off to play during the winter!

Regardless of my ramblings, I have almost made it... and that is something I can hinge my motivation on. Spring equinox is soon and the moon's pull will slowly diminish in its strength as it backs away from Earth.... and that will help me, I'm sure.

Sweet. Back to work... and one day I hope this raccoon (and the otter- which may be lost...) will be fleshed completely.

-DS-