Peter Pan Syndrome

Here I am:



So, it was brought to my attention and this is my syndrome.

I fly all over the place. I fall in love with every Tinkerbell that glitters past me and calls me out for being an idiot. I am a kid for life and never grow up. I have been trying, but it doesn't feel right. I,I I,.... enough of that fucking label, "I".

After ten months, a most challenging week was had at school. A student performed the dreaded "kancho" which is normally ignored. This time, however, my thumb got caught and cut under a table when i flinched. Boy was I angry, such emotion that came out; It surprised me that any student could actually look at me the next day without pure fear after watching me get so angry in the lunch room. My classes actually all went well... or at least it felt that way. There is no way to know.

The short of it is that kids are amazing. They are flexible and fun. They are sensitive and absorbing and learning. They are smart and forgiving for blunders and actions. They are the most amazing humans on the planet. If only we adults would learn from their simpleness and honesty...

In summary... maybe being Peter Pan isn't so bad. I may never have a normal life, the one that includes a family and children of my own. The one that has a stable financial situation and more than is needed to sustain itself. But maybe I can return to the roots of simpleness and happiness, where I am learning in every second and forgiving when humans lash out in emotion.

winding around and around, unwind

I just wrote an entry and smartly closed the box before publishing it. I sometimes get flustered and need to release. And putting the energy out there is a good thing. But being attached to the energy and creation is what causes the suffering. Had I published it, I could have justified it any way I want to and convinced myself that I was right. My ego would strengthen itself.

By creating and venting my anger/irritation/frustration at another person (partly at myself for even getting involved!) I released the madness from my mind. Maybe only a bit, but it is a start. But the attachment of that post and putting it on this blog would have been for the ego. And I really shouldn't do that kind of thing, even if it wants me to. So, in my detachment from my "art," I managed to safely begin the dissipation of negatude that had built up in my body. Had I posted it, I may have continued the negatude unconsciously.

Next step, cut the negatude off at the pass. Why have I gotten so tight lately? I feel it in my back and shoulders for shure. And I can't blame the cold nowadays, because it is beginning to feel like I forgot to turn off the sauna. In fact, there is no blame at all... the ego wants to pin it on someone else. I am missing a beat somewhere. Back to the drawing board, ne?!

Laker ball, accidental suicide attempts, congratulations are in order

Well done Lakers. For reals. You were discounted all season and got your act together to dominate the tough Western Conference. And you are young, so you didn't know that it's not supposed to be that easy. The finals were tough though; the Celtics are damn good. They bought it and part of the game is paying for your victories... they were supposed to win. But next year, now that you know that patience is a virtue and discipline and teamwork are pinnacle to victory, you should get another chance to win it! [What if the Boston Garden "fixed" the rims for your too... those shots actually came out of the basket a couple if times... i saw it. I wouldn't put it past the city of Boston to do that... I mean, their beloved Patriots cheated, so why shouldn't their esteemed Celtics.] I was inspired by the tough work in game 5 too... it got me excited for a strong week of work. but, let's come to terms with game 4... you can't be giving away games like that. Like I already wrote, next year boys! Have a good summer and I will still be rooting for you all next year from Japan!
....

I didn't mean to attempt suicide in public, but it was caught on tape. Funny thing is that the near killing of myself was an accident. I was riding my bike, fast. It's fun. The weather is sauna-esque and I prefer the heat to the cold, so i celebrate the daylight and temperature by zooming around town. That, and I felt like I was late for a date at the travel agent's office, so I made even faster time. I can't even blame my slip on the ground, per se because it wasn't wet at that time. I was just going too fast for my cruiser/road bike. I do not have a speed racing bike even though I ride it like one. I went around the corner and hit the most jacked up part of the street near the station... I was so focused on everything around me that I didn't look down in front of me!

I should not have swerved past the old couple, I should have not run the yellow, I should not have been going so fast in a packed area. I should have patiently waited for the next light cycle to allow me to cross... because it would have only been 24 seconds! Anyhow, I nearly got tossed off of my bike and my legs flew to the sides as I balanced out... and scared the hell out of myself. "びっくりした！--bikkuri shita--" were the words out of two Japanese girls who watched the whole thing and I turned around to see where I nearly ended my life and (in correct Japanese form) nervously laughed off a scary-as-hell/ awkward/ uncomfortable moment.

Caught on tape? Not so much, but more than just those two girls saw it happen! I was going to write about this a couple of days ago, but I figured it was just another one of those laughable/ slow down moments. But I stopped by my other junior high today for some extra work and as I was leaving a teacher said, "be careful on the bicycle..." I, of course, tuned out like usual (because I have a hard time focusing) assuming that he was going to mention the slippery roads and the rain. When I heard the sentence end, "... when turning corners around 西鉄久留米　-- Nishitetsu Kurume -- station." I just froze.

I started to laugh with true enjoyment.
"先生, 見ましたか？"
"Yes, I did. You nearly fell off your bike."
"そうです、ね！面白い！ I can't believe you saw me."
"Yes, be careful."
"I will! Thanks!"

Too funny to pass up. In a small mundane life of an assistant language teacher in Kurume, Japan this was a weekly highlight. And, boy did it make me laugh!

Jake, congrats on graduating from Uni. Welcome to the madness- let's celebrate in August, eh?! Athena, congrats on graduating from Rutgers and as valedictorian no less! Drew, with new your placement and responsibility, がんばって　ください！

In six weeks I will be on my way back to California. And in eight weeks and two days, I will be sitting on this comfortable pleather vibrating chair once more!

Have to get this down

for a good laugh... read on.

I got the memo... rainy season started today. Fortunately, I got it on time. I will be relegated to a raincoat (forever damp) and my boardshorts when going anywhere. I might as well embrace the weather because there is no way around it... considering that my car is a bicycle.

I picked a bunch of basil from my garden (albeit tiny). I thought it would be a great idea to make pesto. I got the recipe and went out in the rain (read: downpour) to get the ingredients that I was lacking. Pine nuts and garlic. I almost always have niniku (garlic) around, so this was strange.

Somehow I came back, after three grocers and I have walnuts and no garlic. To top it off I now have grapes, croissants, orange juice, AA batteries, prepared sweet and sour chicken, and canned iced coffee that I don't remember buying. So much for saving money, like I promised myself I would do today.

(cue: LAUGH again!)

As I typed that last sentence, Praju called to tell me she has garlic that I can have. Maybe the pesto will work out after all... keep them fingers crossed, ne?

Ha.

Ganbatte Lakers!

This is my 100th post.
I have been in Japan for over ten months.
I was sitting in Jamie's apartment discussing our workshop for tomorrow.
We laughed about her comfy fuzzy carpet.
Then then carpet started tickling the inside of my leg.
Then a milipede (read: poisonous "Mukare") crawled out of my pants.
Awkward? In hindsight I can't believe how calm both of us were.
Demo, Bikkuri shita!!!!!

On Sunday, I went to the zoo with Carole. I really like animals, but I really hate seeing them in captivity. I'd rather see them in a book than pacing around in cages. Period. But it was cool to see the lion so close.

A couple of weeks ago (in the heart of the traveling madness that was May) I had a day in Kyoto with Robyn. Then I had an overnight at Rengejoin temple in Koya-san. It was a good experience. Lots of Buddhist study that weekend.

(This was a path, towards enlightenment?)
(The rock garden at Rengejoin... tranquil)
(That's me, still 30 feet in front of the Daimon- 大門 -gate at Koya-san 　高野山。It is a big gate to welcome you to the home of Shingon- Japanese- esoteric Buddhism)
(When the Shinkansen ends in Hakata, it actually starts to party!)

(Albert Einstein stood in the middle of this bell at Chuoinin. They rang it and he was fine because he stood in the dead center!)
(I almost got hit by a bus trying to take this picture... the center of the Heian Shrine gate is best seen from the middle of the road!)
(The white panther inside the Heian Shrine... one of the four animals and colors to symbolize lots of stuff.)
(Yes, Welcome.)
(The temple's garden and my room is across the way on the second floor... a nice place to rest for a night.)

(Some flowers near Tenryuji in Kyoto. I just wanted to see the temple, but wandered and hiked instead... oops)
(My hike took me behind Tenryuji and even further behind Arashiyama Koen...)
(But I did get a picture of Tenryuji despite not getting one when I went in September!)
(The front gate to Chuoinin in Kyoto)

Go with it

(The store on the right has a brother store nearby, guess the name)

Been so many random, funny things lately. Even more arbitrary and irritating downers. And the response... "Is that so?" By not getting involved in the drama that I have been lured to for years, I have pushed through... and pressed on.

Again, in this rapid movement, while time, the life river, flows, I too have been drifting along: Actively paddling downstream, pushing to get down there. Have I taken time recently to appreciate the canyon walls carved by the mighty river? Have I stopped for a beer on the side of the sandbar to soak up the weather and just sit? Is it important to stop every once in a while to see one's progress? Does the progress even matter and is "stopping" just another form of "going" anyways?

Happy birthday to Gary, we celebrated with Mexican food here in Kurume. It was sporadic, neither one of us planned it, but we fell into it... and went with it. And shared a beer on a sandbar that resembled El Sol restaurant. And we discussed a lot and shared some laughs... I don't know why I wrote about this; perhaps due to the frame of mind that we created, one of freedom and honesty... and continuation of the momentary life- as freeing as it is imprisoning. All depends on how one perceives it. Without any perception at all, it is still enjoyable, however.

(Getting ready for the big games!)


Last weekend I went to the Awaji Soccer Tourney with the boys again. We played VERY well and remained the number one seeded team until the final shot of the penalty shootout after double overtime in the final game...
(Looking just sooo good)

(Atsushi held it down as the sweeper!)

Though we werent stoked to come in second, I don't think anyone had a bad time. I could dwell about my role in the final and in the tournament in general, but I had fun and remained injury free... and is first place that important? Not when just being there won us first place. We all made it, safely, minus a couple of bruises and cuts and Kouji's gnarley-looking shins! And had fun and played damn good football, considering we play together two-four times a year. Well done FGU!

(A solid weekend. A great team!)

Typical "Strich-luck" (or maybe just my luck): The Lakers are in the finals and they look damn good. All of the games are held at 9:30am local time, the next day of course. But Thursday, Tuesdays and Sundays in the States mean Friday, Wednesday and Monday here ... so I can't even watch ONE in real time! DAMMIT! They couldn't have scheduled one for 9:30am on a Saturday or Sunday for me... its a damn tease. If the Lakers become in a position to win, however, then I am considering taking my last day off so I can watch the game!