everyday is a challenge

i want to blog about my weekend of madness in/near Tokyo. But i have to vent out the frustration i feel. at nothing in particular but everything in general. I am really tired, haven't been sleeping much (too much sunlight is amazing... but apparently its too much) and the small things are beginning to bother me. The smile I had in Thailand is beginning to fade away.

I recognize how i feel... and that is really cool. For instance, I hit my head on the light coming into my building and paused for a moment. I felt myself get angry, I checked the anger by realizing and then yelled "fuck" as loud as I could anyways.... but there was an interesting time lapse... I have practice to do regarding this "feeling" my feelings.

It is a challenge to be tired, traveled-out, and hungry... and to still be patient and friendly and calm. I have to do some more practice for sure. But, as is said about icy, windy days on the slopes with no vis and minus 10 degree temps: Practicing in the hardest of conditions make the good conditions that much nicer. Everyday still continues to be an adventure, but it is now becoming a challenge to strive for patience and calm.

I think another part of my anxiety stems from the fact that I will be leaving a lot of students very soon. As soon as I was whisked into their lives two years ago, I will disappear from them. And as the days get closer, I dread having to cry in public... in Japanese and English. I know it will be hard, but knowing that still doesn't make the inevitable "goodbye" any easier. One Thursday in the not too far distant future, I will have to make a goodbye speech in front of 370 students and teachers at one school. That night there is a goodbye party with my office of 60 when I will make a similar speech. The next morning, I will have another farewell speech in front of 500. The numbers are probably wrong. But that I know at least 50% of the people by name makes it even harder to say goodbye...

It will be a challenge. And it is an important part of this teaching experience. To give it all to the students with as much energy as possible and let it all go; never knowing what kind of impact I have made on their lives. If I can say goodbye to 900 folks in the span of 27 hours, then I should chalk it up for being efficient. I don't know if I'll have enough tears, but it will be a challenge to create more.

Letting the entire life go... the apartment, the job, the friends, the life.... and moving into a different one... it is so free-ing.... and so scary. I used to do it all the time but I am a bit out of shape nowadays. And it will be a challenge... every day will be a challenge. Everyday is a challenge and an opportunity to be free... and to fly

NOT broken! Yes!@ ridiculous ramble

A dislocation... that's all! X-ray was negative! A purple toe, some awkward walking and a cancelled basketball practice and game later, I should be back in working order! Stoked on that! Yes! Exclamation point!

My original Japanese teacher, Hiroko-sensei, Jen's mom, bombarded me with Japanese in the month before I left to come here. That was over two years ago. I can remember clearly that I didn't understand much. She is visiting her parents in Nara now and she called me in the middle of her vacation to say hi. We spoke in Japanese damn near the entire time! From zero to conversational (despite some missed vocab... ok, a bunch of vocab) in two years.... DAMN. Nearly two years! Ahh.... this is the longest I've been in one place in ... ... ... ... well, since 2000-2. Damn. Feels like home... except that everything is still the exact opposite! Never gets old! Point is, before I lost track of the point, I think my Japanese is slowly improving, despite not having studied in three (gulp) months. I have been thinking about going to class again, but ... well, Mitsuo Aida says it best, "I'll do it later; I'll do it later; And while I sit here making excuses; the sun goes down." Today was the longest day of the year. For the next six months the days will be getting shorter. Albeit slowly, but I need it to slow down because getting up at 4:30am on Friday was ridiculous. Up with the sun is a hard lifestyle... but it hasn't been much of a choice. Blah blah blah! Awesome! Ramble ramble and ramble.

I am at a loss right now. I am loving life for the most part and excited to give it my all each day, except for that small irritation on Thursday at school when I wasted the day as a way of getting at the lazy fucker who wouldn't plan a class despite my planning the last dozen classes. Easier for him to cancel them than to plan something. Bottom line: students didn't get to have fun in class... and I didn't get to putz around with them. Pride got in the way and my innate sense of justice got the upper hand... at the kids and (lo and behold) my expense. I am practicing with the ego, but it is a challenge. If it were easy then it probably wouldn't be worth doing.

One a bitch note: I planned my trip to California and cut it short three days to make a meeting that was scheduled. So be it. Another committee member just planned a vacation- he asked to miss the last meeting so that he could stay longer. While I made a personal sacrifice for the group, he willingly and selfishly disregarded the group to get his rocks off. And, as I practice with the ego, I will smile at him and accept my feelings of irritation and see if I can let them dissipate into the energy field from which they came.

And I will be in California from August 8-25. I arrive at LAX and I reckon that Wayne and Reut are taking me to dinner. Whether or not this is true, I have no idea. But the 9th is Nick's Wedding in San Juan and then I have a couple of days to spend in San Diego. I believe the best bet is to get back to Irvine mid-week to prepare for the backpacking trip and to get all of my personal shopping done (for ANOTHER year on the island)... and suits fitted, etc. Week in the woods and a couple of days to pack up and beach up in OC. Its gonna go quick and I wont be able to see everyone. But i don't care. Selfish-sounding... I don't have a car, nor do I want to drive one all that much. Moreover, I am not that important... I have "left" my friends and been out of town (read: traveling the world) since... well, 2000? So, I may feel pangs of guilt... but I am basically going to the beach and eating Mexican food when possible. throw in the backpacking trip and the necessary shopping (and tie-raiding from Dad's closet--- hehehe) and that is the vacation for which I am leaving in another six weeks! Going to California with an aching in my heart, indeed! Oh, and I am walking with Charlie every day that I can physically make it up that hill! And him too!

Rambling.... fuck. serves me right for listening to DJ Tiesto at night... its like my own personal rave party except I have taken a break from dancing (which I certainly was doing) to dance with my fingers on the keyboard. Blah!

Camping this weekend was fun. I ran the grill last night... and fed a bunch of hungry drunk! And made the rotations... and took no prisoners and ... OWNED the grill. Fortunately I didn't have to prepare anything, I just got to cook and entertain when the drinking games had any lulls... which were few and far between. Thanks Baltzfag... Hey, "Phruck you!"

And I learned about an important technique that has changed my humor forever... It is called the "Dutch Rudder." If you know it, then you know it... and if you don't, then I will be happy to show you! Throw in a "Swiss Zipper" and an "iDutch" ... and you got yourself a ridiculous weekend indeed! I have to teach kids tomorrow! Ha!

fixen and broked

My thumb still hasnt healed completely... but with some effort and rehab I will eventually get there. Good thing is that I accidentally kicked my basketball shoe (that was drying) this morning and broke my toe! No professional opinion needed per se... the purple and augmented digit reminds me of what my thumb looked like in February. The best way to fix something is to break something else, no? Clutz!

Shame I didnt get a chance to watch it...

I had to give an introduction speech for my new job today, in front of over a 100 people. And, as I was handing the mike back to the MC, I pulled it back and asked... "Anyone got an update on the Laker game? how'd we do?" I got some grumbles and then heard something like "... -86" I reckoned they did it. I did a fist pump and then took my seat again.

Formalities aside... Nice Lakers... I am so happy for them and with my association with that team... its hard to describe, but watching your team win can really be a personal thing sometimes... for me it was yet another reconciliation of a truth that I had been waiting to see. Nice work guys! Playing basketball as a TEAM!

a long week

it was a long week that never ended... many weekend day-trips that flowed into school weeks. I dont think I had relaxed since Thailand　タイ... and eventually I fell asleep at elementary school 小学校　during lunch time. It was a short 15-min nap, but a sign that I was running out of steam　汽. Genki 元気三年生third graders usually fire me up, but this time they wore me completely out. Maybe I am checked out a little bit too, because this job is winding down and a new job begins in a little over a month...

At any rate, I did nothing this weekend. It was a clear calendar sort of weekend that got filled up, but with low-energy activity. I was present in each moment, but the ability to rest weaved its way into a large portion of the time I enjoyed.

Met some teachers for Yakitori 焼き鳥on Fri night金曜日夜. Greg introduced me to Djembe on Sat and we made noise in a park. Hitomi and I went to Waka 和華　and saw the fireflies ホタルin Joyo 上陽町machi that nite. Da solo, I went to Pisolino for Tabehodai (all-you-can-eat) Italian goodness today. And that about sums it up. I am rather stuffed.

Here are two pictures of a garden 畑　that was created two weekends ago. Steve, from who I will take the reigns as Prefectural Advisor, and I took Yamato's seedlings/plants, structured some rows and organized an amazing plot of space. I hope that it will take form in the next month and a half, as I will then be able to take care of it a little bit more (after I move in, over there!)

(Steve and I pose next to the Daizu　大豆- edamame 枝豆plants, Foreground: lots of pretty flowers that Steve arranged [tulips, cosmos, others]

(Yeah I'm rocking an Angels hat. Reverse angle of the garden... Foreground: veggies like Daizu, green beans and onions玉ねぎ)

oops!

I almost forgot to smile today! Ha...

New post, dated June 3rd, about "Ecological Lifestyle"

Gym membership revoked

At 8:15pm tonight, I asked the front desk folks if it were ok if I could swim despite having a tattoo. They said no, but it might be ok if I were able to cover it up (in hindsight, a rashguard would do the trick). So, they would have to speak to the manager about it and then next time we could work it out. I went back to the locker room to change. Upon leaving at 8:26pm, I was informed that the manager had been consulted and that my membership was being revoked. One of the rules of the gym is that members cannot have a tattoo. I got my money back for two months, despite having attended for nearly an entire month. I insisted upon paying but I was politely rewarded back my payment.

エコ 生活、Ecological Lifestyle

After getting back from the tournament at 1am and having a hard week or work, gym (yes, I just joined one and it WAS awesome...) and miscellaneous engagements, commitments and obligations, I hit another weekend. Continuing the average 6 hours of sleep a night, I woke up with the sun on Saturday 土曜日to get the housework going… and then headed to the city at 9am. Bagels and books were bought by me (that is passive sentence structure) and I met folks at the Noko Ferry terminal 能古フェッリターミナルfor an afternoon on Nokonoshima with other JETs. I haven’t been to many of these events, but an all-afternoon outdoor BBQ at the beach sucks me in about 99% of the time.

The weather was cold 寒かったand cloudy曇り, but it was a lot of fun to hang out and kick a soccer ball around for some hours. Lots of BBQ’d goodies and an American football and we were in business. Left there at five pm to get back to Kurume 久留米by 7, but arrived 20 minutes late. So, from the train station Sawako 沢子and Naoko尚子 picked me up and we drove into the night (3 hours) to get to Amakusa天草. Sawako and I had kayaked there in April and made friends with various folks, including the owner of the guesthouse, who happens to be an organic farmer. We stopped by Keita’s awesome restaurant/bar for a Curry course and then arrived to Chez Nousチェヌー before midnight. Crashed for a bit and woke up early for the Sunday 日曜日adventure.

(Here is the field)

Taue田植え, or rice planting, is a very important part of Japanese culture日本文化. As it is THE staple food here, its production is very highly valued and respected (I can only assume based on how much it costs!) Well, it used to be at least… such is the way of all agriculture nowadays- folks have disregarded its importance. And most people probably will until there is no food available in the grocery store…

(Each sprout may turn into a rice-yielding plant)

We planted organic riceお米, by hand手で, in his rice field田. It was a muddy, wetぬれた, rad adventure. There were seven of us and it took damn near six hours 六時間to plant the area. I can’t gauge the size, but it wasn’t THAT big… and it certainly wasn’t too small either. We had a nice afternoon break 午後休みto eat onigiri おにぎり(rice balls) and pickles漬物… all organic stuff that had been produced by Tobase-san and his farm(s).
(getting down and dirty)

My experience planting rice… “ewww, this is soo slimy! Ahhh” Stepping into mud and water until my feet finally settled with the surface of the gooey rice field up to my lower knee. And pulling each leg slowly out of the sludge to replace it a little bit more forward every minute or so, in order to get to the next row, about 30 cm further along. It was slow and tedious to peel away one rice stem from the patch of turf that I held in one of my muddy hands.

(Representin!)

But each step of the process was a meditation: step in, slowly, right foot. Peel 1, plant 1、peel 2, plant 2, peel 3, plant 3, peel 4, plant 4, slowly out with the left and back in the sludge (breathing deeply) peel out one, two, three, four… back out with the right and step forward (mind the frog!) 1,2,3,4 and now move the left (keep your balance) 1,2,3,4. (Make sure to breathe as you go forward with the right) 1,2,3,4 and (oh my god what IS that red flatworm-like thing swimming around) now one, two, three, four. Stand up straight, enjoy the sunny weather (yeah I am definitely getting burned, I will put on sunscreen when we take a break) one, 2, three, 4. (This is tediously enjoyable) …2,3… (Jeez, what is THAT bug?!! Why is it getting so close to me?!) 1, two, 3, four. (Settle into the mud, settle into the planting rhythm) 1,2,3,4. (Where did I leave off again?) Count it out loud: 1,2,3,4. (I am right on track now, wow this mud is gooey.) 1,2,3,4. Ok. 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. (Whoa, nearly slipped there) 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. (Tobase-san: “Are you ok?” 「大丈夫ですか？」Me: “Yeah, everything is ok!” 「はい、大丈夫ですよ」) 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4…

(Tobase-san is just super cool)

Awesome. When I explained this to some teachers, they commented, “David it seems you are more Japanese than Japanese people.” I just think it was a lovely day to spend outdoors learning how to work with the earth.

I got back shortly after midnight on Sunday and of course stopped by Mos Burger モスバーガーon the way home. A nice way to cap off an action-packed weekend.
(Naoko, Sawako and Mika after a job well done!)

I write this on the Wednesday following that Sunday. I still haven’t averaged more than 6 hours of sleep a night… the sun is just up for too long!

I harvested the potatoes I planted in March. I have about 60 left which isn’t bad considering I brought 80 to school to give away last week and another 30 to my Japanese teachers last night. Actually the numbers are not real, but I can tell you that I have had quite a few of them…
(potatoes for teachers)

Turns out, I got sick from all of the field work. Though I enjoy the soil and the growing/harvesting process, perhaps I am not cut out for this type of work. A small garden should be fine, but my current soil is really strong and it has caused me to get sick a couple of times. Perhaps there is a mold or fungus growing in the soil, but I am battling off this sickness using the old technique… try to kill myself with as much activity as possible and collapse into sleep to kill off the rest of it! So far so good! If I were farming every day, then I might not have a problem with the soil… but it is only once or twice a week and that isn’t enough for my body to adjust to the new microorganisms.
(Another angle of the rice field)

I made mashed potatoes last night. Potatoes and garlic from my garden, and fresh rosemary from Shibata-sensei’s 柴田先生sister. Add butter, salt, pepper, milk and the special secret ingredient… and mash it all up and mix by hand… and there you go. And I will continue to eat that delicious recipe for the rest of the week…

(Tobase-san marking the field into square plots. We planted the stalks at each intersection)

Once again, I have reconciled a dream that I had had when I arrived here about living off the land. This year “on the farm” (not really) has been a great learning experience and something I am really glad to have had tried. I hope to start another garden at my new apartment and to enjoy the fruits (and veggies!) that come with the labor of tilling the soil. Just enough to add some flavor to my meals and to give me fresh stuff to eat.
(Mari-chan used her free-time wisely!)

I have been practicing resourcefulness and waste management too. So far, with the exception of a half-carrot that I let sit in my fridge for just too long, I haven’t wasted any of the food that has entered my apartment since I got back from Thailand nearly a month ago. All of the organic waste goes one place and all of the edible stuff goes into my belly. From there it gets sent back to the earth and then the food process starts again. By slowing down and getting dirty with the aspects of this process, I have managed to use all of the resources that I am allotted. It’s easy to go to conveyor belt sushi,回転寿司 but I am keenly aware that I have two eggs 卵in my fridge that will go bad… and in an effort to not waste, I have to forgo the sushi. Nope, I can eat it! And make the eggs quickly to box them up for lunch. YOSH! I am on this no-waste kick and it’s my small part to ensure my peaceful action towards the earth.
(... and so did Yuko-chan)

I have gardened: planted, harvested, weeded; composted: with my household waste, prepared the soil with fertilizer; cooked: experimented with various recipes and styles of cooking this year; jammed: made strawberry jam twice!; reused: purchased and used recycled soap instead of industrially-produced stuff; been “eco” by riding my bike every day… only driving a car one day (in Hawaii in March) during the past 10 months. In essence, really learning how to live self-sufficiently and efficiently.
(Workin hard! Yeah!)

All of this boils down to the following: It means taking action with each and every moment of life. Being engaged with my actions and living a lifestyle that really does what I feel is best for the earth. Not “buying organic” or “purchasing carbon credits” or “green automobiles” but living each day in the most effective way of living in harmony with the earth. Riding one’s bike in the minus 2 degree winter sucks, but using a car sucks a lot of gas. Riding a bike during rainy season is a wet experience, but with board shorts and a raincoat it means that every trip is an opportunity for fun. The time is now to live an “Eco” lifestyle. And any excuse is a lack of commitment to do so. It’s not easy to treat the earth well, but it is certainly worth it…

Wow, I got completely off course with that one… well, onto a different course than I had intended to steer. YOSH! 頑張りましょう　ばい！

Awajishima 淡路島 and Western Japan Soccer Tourney

Awajishima 淡路島was awesome. To date, I have never played in a game in which FGU (Fukuoka Gaikokujin United), now more resembling FAU (Fukuoka- Aichi United), has ever lost. In the first tournament we won all games and lost 1-0 in the final… OK, my stats are wrong… we did lose a game. Well, bear with me anyways.

The next tournament we won all of our games and made it to the finals, losing on Penalty Kicks. Shoganai. In the third tourney, we hadn’t lost and got eliminated again, by PKs in a lightning and thunder shootout… finishing third. In this last tourney, we finished 5th place… winning and, would you believe it, losing on PKs. In this tournament I feel vindicated. I had always been on the sideline during the penalty kick time and I had been practicing for months at both schools on perfecting my shot. This time around, I was on the field, eligible to shoot and readily accepted the call to shoot 3rd of three kickers for the quarter final match.

(This year's crew... only 4 foreigners, only two foreign-looking players! In fact, 5 of us from Fukuoka, 5 from Aichi prefecture, 2 from Mie and the sole Yokohama representer!)

A win would have put us into the semifinals. We shot first and scored first. They matched. We missed wide and then our goalkeeper made a save. Still tied 1-1. I went up to shoot. Didn’t make eye contact with the keeper, already had my spot in mind. Placed the ball on the spot, marched back seven steps- dead center. Ref blew the whistle, I side-stepped, like I had practiced. I still didn’t look up, but I noticed that the keeper froze… confused by my move… like I had anticipated. I approached the ball slowly and in rhythm… perfectly calculated steps. I struck the ball. I noticed it was a bit softer than I had anticipated, but I put it left. And high.


(Sam, Hiroshi and Matt relax at the onsen after the game)

Too high... The ball struck the under part of the cross bar while the keeper watched and then we all noticed in a silent moment as the ball bounced a foot in front of the line and then back towards me. Their next shooter scored and sent them into the semifinal match and us out of the tournament much earlier than even the last time. Fortunately, we got to play a friendly in an unofficial 5th/6th place match… and we didn’t lose that… so, we ended the tournament with a win, despite losing in PKs in the quarters.


(from L to R: Koji [hidden], Atsushi, Sam, Tera, Ma-chan, Samurai [whose name I still don't know], and Hiroshi hidden behind him)

I feel pretty good, however, and for many, many reasons. I had my chance to shoot that PK that was haunting my thoughts. I had practiced for the moment and had an opportunity to take it. I am not happy that I missed the shot, but I am happy that we didn’t have to play against a dirty team in the semifinal match. We had played them in a dirty game the day before and drew with them. I was pretty beat up (as were many players) so the early exit wasn’t necessarily bad, as a preventative measure against injury- especially against a team that had no class. I played defense… stopper and sweeper, which was a change for me. I don’t think I did too badly, but it was a rough time. I definitely got shoved to the ground unnecessarily and hit pretty hard by guys who were out to win, by hook or by crook. I gave a couple back, but I hadn't expected that I would have to hit people in order to keep myself safe.


(Getting ready to order the steak course)

I am happy with myself for taking punishment pretty well. And controlling myself and taking the hits allowed my team to hold the line and prevent scores from the other team. I got angry a couple of times, but I controlled my temper. And that was the greatest victory from the tournament for me. On a personal note, I was able to refocus my anger into correct and hard play despite my initial ideas of vengeance. I even apologized to a guy after a game because we had had some words and elbowing. His response, “you kicked me hard,” not “I’m sorry for pushing you to the ground when the play was over and your back was turned.” I flicked him off when he turned his back and his friends on the sideline laughed at him. He got his… in the semi game that we would have played against him, our team had to referee… and so I was a linesman. And, I watched as that guy scored a goal… that was what he wanted all tournament-long and he hadn’t gotten. And in the second half, I did my job and called him offside when he was offside. It was a close call, according to my teammates, but I put my flag up anyways. He didn’t get another goal then, but I also didn’t make a bad call. It wasn’t personal either; I had kept a tight line the entire game. So, I got my little bit of revenge, but not really because I was doing my job. His team won and my actions kept the game fair. He got his goal, I got my call and, later on, his team lost in the finals. Justice takes care of itself.



(Choosing the best value for the taste buds)

I deeply bowed, to the ground in fact, when I missed that kick. And my team may have been a bit disappointed by the loss. But everyone was pretty cool afterwards, “Don min, Debbito!” And, then, banged up and bloody, we made it to an onsen 温泉to clean up for the Kobe steak 神戸牛meal. I had put aside a lot of money for it and ended up with a cheaper course meal… and it was better than the last one. The show was impressive, the chef was a samurai and we were full for the Shinkansen 新幹線ride back to Kyushu九州.

(Samurai chef pepperin' up my meat! You shoulda seen him sling that grater around when he was done- it was awesome!)

Again, though the 5th place result is on paper, this was the best tournament for me. I reconciled even more ghosts and thoughts during this time. I saw a couple of friends who I met at the first tournament and not seen since. I kept my anger in check- letting it arise and then breathing it out. I got a chance at the PK I had been working on. I played defense despite my initial fear of failure in doing so.


(Yummy steak- 180g worth- with fresh garlic chips)

I had an opportunity to see some cool friends who I see only twice a year. I got that Kobe steak I had been saving for (kind of!) and it was more delicious, filling and amazing than I imagined it would be. To put into words the feeling of satisfaction and completeness is rather hard, but perhaps you understand a bit of where I am coming from. And writing it out now is the final step in this process of reconciliation and “full-circle-ness” (hehe)

too busy

I havent had time to write a blog... I keep wanting to and there is just one more thing to do or try. I havent stopped in about 3 weeks... or wait, is that months? I am losing track. Since my last post, the 18th of May, I have participated in a soccer tournament (#4!) in Awajishima, eaten yet another Kobe steak and had a fabulous experience with the guys doing both. I will get some pictures and specifics in another post. The following (last) weekend, I participated in a nice beach party, despite the cold cloudy weather. After leaving my house at 9am, I beached and then made it back to the station (20 min late) so we cuold drive back to Amakusa- where I went kayaking a month and a half ago. This time the mission was different. We were there to plant rice... so Sunday, we woke up and planted that stuff. More pictures and specifics in another post. If I didn't write this now, then I would keep postponing doing anything. More later, but this for now.