Trying times call for trying measures. When the human being is placed under stress it acts in ways that preserve its health... and it is also at these times that it is at its most vulnerable.
Guantanamo torture, Bourne Ultimatim-esque brainwashing, solitary confinement, 1984-like labotomy.
When the prisoner is entirely reprogrammed and changed.
I have been here for the longest five days ever and I am at ends with myself. So much time to pace and think and circle and talk to myself and think about it and pack and think and circle and think.
I was in the cell with another prisoner today though. We shared the same space for half of the day- the guards turned a blind eye as we babbled on and on for hours. With a small bribe, we managed to acquire some pretty good burgers also! My mind was twisted amidst discussions with this other prisoner. I tried to keep him on his toes and at the end of our time I felt secure in my insecurity. Maybe the Gestapo planted him and arranged this "lucky" meeting so that they could use him as a vector for their message. I don't need to analyze it: in short, I blacked out and got a burger out of the whole thing, so that was pretty productive.
I managed to be completely honest with myself... and I let some of the other prisoners in on the honesty. It was not easy to do, but the past is done. I can only move forward with the future- one day at a time- being honest and open. I had been hiding in my cell for far too long and hiding from my smile too. Unacceptable. So that is in the process of changing. It may not be a pleasant transition from here on out, but at least it will be free.
And speaking of free.... One more day to go...
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