普通の、 Futtsu

In the middle! Average, ordinary! Amazing. In a 24-hour time span, I was able to feel emotion and let it pass... while acknowledging it and continuing to live. Weird. But, recognizing the emotions, identifying them, saying hello to them, really worked. I have to still practice, but it's a sign of progress that I can even recognize that I was able to see what happened.

In essence, I treated people I cared for with the same attention that I treated with the people who I dislike. I treated them on the same level as folks who I haven't ever met... They were all equal in my eyes in the moment during which we interacted. And, I was curious about them in the moment. Being there and listening and responding and "seeing." This is weird to write about. But it was a sense of clarity. And yes, you CAN begin a sentence with "but." I just feel bad that Jamie had to be around in my moment of clarity to listen while I tried to describe in words what happened. Difference is that you, the reader, are more confused because you can't see what I am saying, whereas my hand movements and gestures gave her a sense of what I was implying.

This damn near two years in Japan has really changed me. Rather, this time has been an opportunity to explore a part of me that has existed since birth. Weird.