More than one sitting, ganbatte!

Besides the fact that Jesus Christ/God/Mohamed [some other story-told important person here] (must have) said it, "Man's idleness is evil." Maybe not evil, but thinking and putzing around leads one to thinking and running in a beautifully constructed hamster wheel. This is "drama" and I have been referring to it in various emails. There is more to it, but the world that one creates about the "important" things in one's life is that hamster wheel of drama- an endless cycle that can be continued infinitely if hamsters take over for others when they die.

Life is what one does when he (yes, you can say "she" too, it doesn't really matter, but "one" gets rather old sometimes) isn't thinking or running on the hamster wheel. (Part of the drama-world is that) 'he' and 'she,' are considered different. But they are the same thing, and the "politically incorrectness" regarding "proper" usage can go fuck itself. Damn, I was doing so well there, and now I burst and let some of that anger take over.... back to "being."

I have lost me/you/[insert proper pronoun here].... so, let me pick up with the beginning of last paragraph.

Life happens when one isn't thinking, running on the hamster wheel or playing the "human" in human drama. I live and have been living for longer and longer stretches of time. But every so often my drama-seeking ego wants some attention and makes itself heard. I have been ignoring it, but I should recognize its concern/ wanting to express itself. And then, I can let it have a say and then go on with living, or the "being" part of human being.

I have been exploring drama vs. living for the past little while and its most interesting (omoshiroi desu, ne?) I think it happens to me in Japan, but not everyday. I manage to poodle along as a human being, smiling so much that it hurts my face because my students are nuts and my fellow teachers are just good people. And together we go through the motions, learn a little and teach a little about language, sports, personal interactions and other subjects... and we all suffer together in the Japanese classrooms, whose temperatures rival Siberian winter conditions. And, perhaps in this basic survival of the bitter cold, we learn to coexist (despite the occasional flare-ups and fights that I have been seeing more. And the flip-side, the two students who I caught during a "rendezvous" after school. The boy was shaking his head no, but I saw him blushing from down the street. Gotta love hormones in junior high!)

And back to drama, I manage to go along and live life to the extent that's possible. and then the "vacation time" thing happens. My favorite thing. I like to travel, it's true. But I am having a hard time pinpointing WHEN I can travel. My schedule is not helpful and unfortunately my JET situation is a bit stricter than others. While some folks take off when the wind picks up their sails, I have to do some super advanced-planning. It's new to me, but I am OK with it... it's just that I can't do it if my schedule hasn't been made... and the plane tickets disappear because my peers are buying them up....

PHEeeeeeww.... release. that was the drama. Regarding vacation, of all things. I rock and roll everyday on less and less sleep, in colder and colder conditions teaching with everything (energy-wise) that I have, studying Japanese, cooking/eating bomb organic food and anything else. But I swear my new grey hairs have been coming from vacations- the time when one is supposed to continue peacefulness. So silly. I have been a silly, silly goose. I have to let the drama of vacations play themselves out. And just continue living peacefully and worry about the location later...

This stems from my thinking about the past. I just turned in my form, the one regarding re-contracting. And I circled the one that says, "Yes, I want to do this again, baby!" I will be here for another year (through August 2009).

And because of this, I started thinking and running on my hamster wheel of logistics, days off, past happenings and future expectations... forgetting what I had been doing (being) for the past five (six, next week!) months.

And now I am back to the moment...

And I want to share a bit of yesterday and today. Last night was my fourth night of playing with some local ballers. Crazy thing is that I am not as fast as the dudes I play with... I am not bigger, but I am a bit above average... the catch is that I play defensive like a proud Bruin's 6th-man. I don't think these guys have felt anyone challenge their shots like I do. So, I play the 5... and let me tell you... it is really hard. Rebounds, shot blocking, posting up, vying for position EVERY time down the court (and at a fast Japanese pace) is really hard. And folks expect Shaq to make every free throw after all of that? And moving 300 lbs? No amount of money can buy that... not even multi-million dollar salaries, that is rough stuff.

And today, on my way to school there was traffic on a small road... and i noticed that a car was stopped on the side... and the windshield was shattered and there was a small crowd around the front of the car... I didn't know the name of the student who got hit until another teacher told me, but I definitely taught him two days ago. And he had a bit of blood near his ear and he was on the ground... and he was pale... very pale. I know it was the coldest day of the year (yes, snow formed today), but he has no business being that white. The medics were on the way, I knew that... but i took off my jacket and put it on him. Then I started to walk away slowly because an extra person is just unnecessary. The ambulance showed up while I was walking away and they took control, as expected. I learned that in my wilderness first responder class. Package them up and let the real doctors/paramedics take them, especially in city conditions. I made sure he was warm and then stepped aside. I also learned that in accidents with possible head/neck trauma that you put a C-collar on the patient's neck and backboard them without letting them move. YOU DON'T FUCKING LET THEM JUMP UP AND CLIMB ONTO THE STRETCHER BY THEMSELVES- NO MATTER HOW GOOD HE OR SHE MIGHT FEEL. I couldn't believe it (especially while looking at the destroyed windshield that my student had collided with.) After being shocked for a minute, someone handed me my jacket and I walked my bike to school.

It has been a weird day of great lessons, that accident, meeting with my supervisor at the office cross-town, eating at my favorite (and only, occasional) lunch spot, riding my bike in the coldest weather I have ever experienced in the front-country. Intense, very real and very present. So, I guess now I can laugh about the fact that I got so caught up in unnecessary drama. And get on with turning in the Japanese test that's due yesterday and packing for a weekend snowboarding trip to a mountain even further south (with probably minuscule snow). I want to see what it's like... probably less snow that Summit (Big Bear) in late October... but whatever... you only live once (even with reincarnation, only one at a time, ne)!

And with that life, I am choosing to live... and laugh at the hamster wheel instead of running in it! Or at least laugh at myself for spinning it in circles so quickly.

Oops, this turned out be a lot longer than expected. I guess I should let it out more often. My bad, like those silly layups that I botched last night! I should let those go too, I already missed them!