take it easy

The Rabbi reminded me last night that there are strict laws/rules and that there is a flowing world. You can't have a world if you are too stuck on rules. I appreciate what she was getting at. I am pretty stuck on rules and formality... I think they are fun and good ideas. But if I get too strict with it all, it turns into irritation. And that is no fun at all. What is life and the world, if not fun?

She also discussed "being lost." There are lots of steps to getting found, but an important one is standing still. And waiting. And the right signals will clue us in. And then there was the falldowngetup, which is one word. You fall down and immediate get up. That's gonna happen too. I suppose that one will come later according to her timeline of events. But is important to bounce up. To keep going. To have fun. To open our hearts and develop compassion.

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If I have done you wrong in the past year (or more) I sincerely apologize and ask for your forgiveness. I am a human being learning everyday to become more compassionate and it is an on-going struggle and lesson to learn. I am not perfect and never will be. But I will keep working at it.

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At a relatively empty (in attendance) morning gym session, I did some pull-ups and push-ups yesterday and my body feels it big time. Pain in all the right muscles. Ouch.

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Weird dreams last night. I watched as a horse emptied its carcass out of a hole in its skin and then convulse as it was dying. I was there to comfort some friends as they dealt with the traumatic experience. As for me, it was just another creature going the way of life and death, I wasn't too moved by the scene- more moved by my friends who were in shock after the event. They changed as a result and I woke up after offering to escort one home.

Another one, late morning (after the alarm of course) was about my second Toyota Camry. I had parked it in a place weeks before I left on vacation. It was behind a grocery store because it was lit, as opposed to my apartment complex from which I assumed it would get towed (which is counter-intuitive). After walking around for a bit in a parking lot, I remembered where it was and got with a friend to walk in the dark to get there. We almost got hit by a car on the way, but we were actually very far from it. I remember being irritated at the car lights that had seemed close- but when I turned around to see the car, it was far away and we were in no danger.

I guess that says something about me being jumpy or paranoid and my ability to get irritated easily with no necessary cause. This is a lesson I was reminded of last night at services and that I should take it easy, trust people a little more and not be so quick to respond or judge others. (And even the perfect humans can't be perfect all the time, so we may always be seeing perfect people in their momentary of lapse from perfection.) I woke up never having gotten to the car, but I knew that we were on the right track. And I feel that way as I type this out, eating some granola from well over a year ago and prepare to leave for Rosh Hashanah morning services.