life changing with seasons

it has changed... it is cold. NO kidding. I tell the kids in class that it's fall. But, I am throwing in the cards, its the beginning of winter. I haven't lived like this in a long time... maybe it was the winter in Tahoe, but then I had heating... so it must have been more recent... maybe August in Santiago, Chile. Being at the base of the western Andes during August almost killed me. But I knew that everyday it was supposedly getting warmer.

Here, however, I am aware that it is cold and that it's only getting colder! Problem is that November in Kurume is looking a lot like August in Santiago being that I can see my breath in my apartment (who needs heating anyways!) If it only gets colder, then I'll have to take days off... so that I can stay home frozen... and then head back to school when i thaw out! It sounds bad, but I am exaggerating as usual... I am getting used to it and learning how to live in colder weather... but I miss winter in the SoCal desert....

And, here it comes, (I don't want to admit it in public, but here it comes....) I am telling you the truth. Happy-go-lucky Dave has been rather down lately. Not just a little, but a lot.... (Here it is again, oy) Travel-savvy Dave has been experiencing a bad case of culture shock. (Ahh, you said it!!!, noooo.....) Being-away-from-family-and-friends-all-the-time Dave has been really missing the comforts of the known and the language he has taken for granted his entire life. It has been hard over the past three weeks and I don't know what caused it.

But it is a natural progression of how life goes... after months of ups, I consolidated my downs in a short time and it was difficult. the hardest part, however, is actually admitting it in a forum like this. People who may have never met me may read this and not know how to think. Friends of mine may wonder why I didn't consult them. And I may reread this and laugh or cry about my state now based on later happenings.... BUT, there is no way of knowing what the future may hold. It doesn't even exist but in our heads anyways... yeah, there are debts to pay, obligations to meet, holidays to celebrate... but they are never actually happening until they are happening. To plan for the future is important... but to live in the future is impossible and a rather cumbersome and drama-filled burden that doesn't actually exist.

What if a future or current employer reads this and changes their opinions about me. What if... what if... what if... you get it yet? I am not in fear, and I think that many people ARE! We live in a "free" age when we "can do whatever we want," especially in a forum like the world-wide web.... but we aren't free to share our opinions if we live in a state of fear about the "what if." We are perhaps even more restricted if we buy into fear and let it keep us from really posting our favorite band on myspace or our true thoughts on facebook. (yeah, I plugged em both- who cares). If we are too scared to express ourselves, what kind of space are we creating for ourselves? If we are holding ourselves back what kind of space are we creating for the future? That same future that we are so scared of... its almost like the current attitude of fakeness and fear is what we are actually turning into... not what we actually are! And to make it more personal again, replace all of the plural pronouns (our/we) with the first person pronoun (I/me). I extrapolated an idea that perhaps I alone have been feeling.

Where the hell did this rant come from? I don't know, but it came out and it's there and I am posting it. I have been down and now I am on a slight up.... in essence I'm just aiming for a steady middle... I think the fluctuations will eventually calm down to center....

I found an outlet for organic foods from local farmers... and I have never been so excited.

I have been hiking a bunch and hope to do some more.

My winter break is ready to rock and roll on the logistical side of things... less a couple of buses/trains. I will be buying new bindings perhaps and I should be ready to hit the slopes come five weeks from now- so long as I can get/stay healthy...

I had some other things to say, but the rant took most of my energy. Oh, I have written a couple of poems and have a couple more on the horizon too. Despite working, I have found time to work on the projects that really interest me....

Blah,

See you later, alligator (as I have been teaching the students lately!)

Rather, soon...