The moment is a hard place to be. Especially if one hasn't practiced being there. Often times I am in the future or in the past, but recently I have practiced being in the now. And it is hard. Almost immediately my mind strays, thinks and continues in its long chain of discussion and process and I lose track of being now. But I have begun the practice, the practice of recognizing the thoughts, welcoming them (like attention-attracting students), appreciating them and letting them run their course. I have to work on the attachment to them and be more carefree about them- i have to let them arise, for they are inevitable- and let them go... despite my habitual custom to hold on to them!
The basil is growing, the tomatoes are getting there and the green beans were picked for the first time. おいしい！！！Hopefully the cilantro and parsley will grow; fortunately, my klutziness didn't kill them outright.
Exhausted... first night off in far too long... and even it is tiring. Gotta keep moving and keep working. Like Master Hyakujo Ekai said, "If I do not work one day, I do not eat one day." I suppose that "work" is a matter of opinion, but I like what he said. Not "like," but acknowledge. Yeah, that's a more "useful" word. Just done, at the end of each day. Living like it is worth living.
I had spent some recent time hating every waking second and now I can't help but be in them! Whether or not i like the moment isn't important. I am awake with the sun (will soon be 5am) and asleep when my body and mind are just on empty. But even sleep isn't a rest, because I am in those moments too.
Without the time to analyze, think and care about the actions, I am able to go about them. The issue with which I am currently struggling is: am i going through the motions or am I "in" each movement? It is hard to be on all the time, but it's a waste of life if one isn't. Popular culture's simple answer to me: "Hey Dave, buy a fucking TV!" The response: "Hey popular culture, go sign on to facebook!"
I totally went on a tangent there! Random.
Some side notes:
-I enjoy the jutaku's (teacher's apartments/ complex) weeding day at 8:30am on the third Sunday of the month. I can't promise to always be there, but I am good for four months now! And the best part, the dude who used the weed-whacker moved out last month, so I got to chop a lot of plants with a fast-moving blade. Damn those things are hard to maneuver. But I look forward to next month's butchery!
-It is getting hot now... i really missed that. the humidity teases us, saying, "just wait till august... when it will be horrible!" For now its nice.
-Last night I went to a concert on the other side of town. Before I left my apartment (for a 45min bike ride) the sky opened up to let the entire contents of the ocean (which had previously evaporated into the clouds) unload. I was so wet that I have to laugh... but some decent raingear/ zipaway pants/ change of socks/ etc. let me enjoy the show in a rather comfortable fashion.
-The concert last night was awesome. I love Blues music. I really do. Country and Blues and Rock and Roll baby... but it all stems from my blues enjoyment. The funk beats that shot off, the harmonica often found in G, and some real heart-pouring... damn the Blues are awesome... even in Japanese... (my not understanding) the words didn't get in the way of Kimura-san's music last night. God-damn. And alcohol and cigarettes... the blues never jammed so hard!
-Spoke with Ochida-san and his friend and we already made tentative plans to go to Country Gold music festival in October! Gotta love real music... country, blues, rock and roll, some bluegrass... and so it goes...
There, I got it all out. For now. There is more, but it is lost somewhere in the inroads of my cerebrum. When its time comes, I'll "git 'er dun" too!
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As Master Drew once said, "You're either in the moment... or you're not."
I find my mind constantly dragging me, pulling me, and luring me into the past; getting me to compare my experiences, compare people, think about things that 'could have' been. Although I know the value of learning from your mistakes, I have been recently been battling with a sort of numbness, because these last three months haven't been the challenge that I wanted them to be.
But somehow in my self-loathing and over analytical endeavors, I am still happy. If I'm not being hard on myself, then I'm dead to myself (read: Irvine, CA), and here I am full of daily goals and mantras.
Something I've been doing each week is to set a goal for my personality, something that I can return to if I find myself frustrated. That was when I get caught up in the past, or caught up with life, I can return here and start over. Just a thought.
I too have been dumped on by the Rain Gods a lot lately, most often when it is completely sunny when I leave the house.
And I definitely have a picture of "Hard Off" from Kurume, as well as it's should be neighbor "Book Off."
Be Well.
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